𝐖𝐇𝐘? ━━ 𝗩𝗜𝗥𝗔𝗟 𝗛𝗜𝗧 | ✓

19

❝ BUT STRAWBERRIES AND CIGARETTES ALWAYS TASTE LIKE YOU ! ❞

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ♡︎♡︎♡︎

A WHITE CEILING. That was the first thing I saw once I opened my eyes, then the blinding lights from the fluorescent bulbs above me, after that were the doctors and nurses rushing into my room, all mumbling and muttering things I could barely understand. It was all too fast for me to process and I was forced to lie back down on the hospital bed again.

The questions why am I here, who are you people, and what happened to me weren't the first few things that popped in my mind — it was far from that, actually. The very first thing I thought of wasn't my condition nor my whereabouts. It was about a certain person I long to see.

"Where's my Yeonwoo?"

Everyone stopped to look at me, too apprehensive to say anything or to make anymore moves. I looked at all of them in desperation, I wanted an answer, may it be a vague one or a painful one, I didn't care, I just wanted to know where he is.

And then someone finally gave me an answer — one I wasn't looking forward to hearing.

"Ji Yeonwoo is with his father. You're not allowed to see him anymore."

My own father stood at the doorway of my room with such a stone cold face that I nearly thought of him as a statue, but I knew all too well that what he said was true and I'll no long be able to see the love of my life. I have to accept that right now lest I want more troubles in my life or for him.

Sooner than I expected, my father left me to be tended by one specific nurse, helping me dress out of the hospital gown I've been wearing for the whole time I've been comatose and into the suit my father — or my father's men, to be specific — had prepared for me. She was kind enough to patiently help me lift my arms and legs up — the lack of movement for more than a few months was a heavy toll that I disliked.

Everything was too quick for me to handle and before I could even remember what date it was, I was already leaving the hospital with several men escorting me out. Just before I could get inside the car, the nurse that helped me earlier ran after me, calling my name with a small green box in her hands.

"Mx. Yashida! Wait!" She yelled, once she was right in front of me, she pressed the box unto my hand as she lightly panted, giving me a warm smile afterwards.

"This is from your friend that visited you everyday. I kept all his gifts in this box so that when you wake up, you can keep it."

"Thank you." I muttered, but before I could even take off the lid of the box, one of the men inside the car took my arm and pulled me inside, I was too weak to fight back nor did I have enough energy to push him off.

All I could do was watch the houses and buildings go past us, leaving all the memories and feelings I have of this place I once called home behind me, I could only bring so little with me to treasure and love.

But I made sure to leave a part of me here, I left a big chunk of my heart right where Yeonwoo is, only for him to find and keep.

I'm sure that by the time he gets to the hospital, I'm gone without a trace — already in Seoul living a new yet regretful life.

Nothing was left behind, not a single trace — not a spec of dust, a strand of my hair, or a piece of my clothing. But I did leave something else other than a piece of me. I left a short and small note for him to find.

'Don't look for me.'

I wanted him to. I was tempted to write the opposite of this, I knew he'd come after me as soon as he reads it, ready to fight all the odds of the world just to find me — but I stopped him.

I told him not to look for me, that was my command. And he obeyed it. I strictly told him that, despite wanting him to find me and keep me by his side and I'll even beg for my father to let me be with him.

I love him. I always have and always will, but I had to leave. I had to leave him, I had to leave our friendship, I had to leave our memories, and I had to leave my heart behind.

I didn't mean to hurt him so much, I didn't want him to experience such a painful heartbreak from a first love. It wasn't my intention to have him be sucked in into my black hole of an existence, it wasn't part of my plan to love him so much and let him feel freedom only for me to take it back with his blood all over my hands and his heart in my mouth.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving. I'm sorry for never coming back.

And I'm sorry for loving you as if I devoured you whole.