𝐖𝐇𝐘? ━━ 𝗩𝗜𝗥𝗔𝗟 𝗛𝗜𝗧 | ✓

16

❝ HEADLIGHTS, ON ME, RACING TO SIXTY, I'VE BEEN A FOOL ! ❞

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ♡︎♡︎♡︎

I LOVE YOU. I wish I had told him that a long time ago, maybe while we were walking together to a convenience store, maybe after playing in an arcade together, maybe during a bowling match against each other, or maybe when I realized that I had fallen for him.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I was given so many chances in my life to finally confess to him, and I wasted all of it just because I was scared — terrified to be perceived as something other than his [Name], to be pushed away once I let him know how I really feel.

And now here I am, regretting it with my whole heart as I felt white, hot pain pierce through my skin, tearing apart my flesh and blood gushing out like a horrifying red waterfall. I didn't have time to scream, nor to call for help, nor to even look my dearest friend in her eyes as she tried to catch me — and failing miserably as I felt my body crash against the glass window, the tiny shards creating more wounds on my skin.

As I fell through the window, my thoughts couldn't help but be filled with all the things I haven't said and done in my life. Instead of seeing my life flash before my eyes, I saw what could've been the results if I had done this and that.

If I had told my father that making me do things his way upset me, would I be in such a miserable state as I am right now? Would he listen and give me what I want?

If I had been more lively and friendlier at school, would I have more friends and avoid being such a lonely freak? Would my classmates stop viewing me as this heartless blackhole that does nothing than devour everything in my wake?

If I had told Yeonwoo that I love him, would I die with regrets? Would I be able to be with him longer? To have him by my side with nothing to separate us? To finally have time on our side?

I'm still so young yet here I am, dying with the thoughts of sorrow, grieving the memories I should've created before falling to the ground.

How did I even end up in this situation? Just a few hours ago I was talking to Yeonwoo through my phone, telling him that he can finally meet my father and the others who took care of me, then I went to school with the most subtle smile and wasting my time with my friend.

Oh, right. I remember now.

My friend told me just before going home that our schoolmate — my self-proclaimed rival — wanted to meet me at the fourth floor of an abandoned building where most billiard games were held. The news alone of someone wanting to meet me somewhere was surprising, but my rival? That's quite a different story.

But I went there anyways, not showing up meant that he'd think of me as a pussy — and I didn't want to further inflate his ego. My friend went with me incase he does something funny, I appreciate her concern and didn't stop her, she was a determined soul — which awfully reminded me of Yeonwoo.

The building wasn't too far from my school but it was far enough to do suspicious acts. Before we went inside, I had thought that maybe this was a cruel joke, that there really was no one there and I just showed up to make a fool out of myself. But then again, why would he pass the opportunity to shit on my name face to face? He'll take any chance he gets just to bury me in dirt.

Just as we were about to enter, I told my friend that if anything happens that she should leave as fast as she can, and if she can't then I'll protect her. I couldn't hear anything from the other side of the door, and that made the unknowing dread in my guts to rise.

I should've went with my instinct to leave the place, or maybe I shouldn't have let my friend come with me. Everything was too fast for me to process and things were too blurry.

Before I knew it, he held a knife to her throat, but I couldn't hear anything that he kept telling me, I couldn't read his lips either. It was overwhelming — the sight of my friend being held with a knife dangerously close to her, my rival spouting nonsense at me. I could've sworn he had said my name but all I could hear was a deafening ringing in my ear.

It was too much for a young kid like me — too much to process, too much to feel, too much to see, and too much to experience.

But I had to protect my friend, she was crying and calling out for me, yelling for help as loud as she can. And I tried my best to help her, I threw myself at him and he released his hold from her — and then I felt it.

The tip of a metal thing driving through my skin and cutting my flesh, fully submerging itself in my stomach. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, and couldn't cry out — but I still tried to look at my friend, searching for her eyes and telling her to go — to leave and call for help, or never come back, or to go somewhere safe.

Then I felt two hands against my shoulders, pushing me towards the window, the nearer I was the more force he added. My arms were practically useless at my sides as I let him throw me to my death, my friend was all too late to try and take ahold of my hand as I fell.

In that very moment, I had realized something — I had not loved enough.

Was it because I wasn't given enough time? Or because I didn't know how to love more? Or maybe all the love I could ever give was not enough?

Whatever it was, I'd never know. I was falling to my death, after all. What is there for me to know other than pain and regret?