Fate (Boyxboy)

Make You Fall (Part Two)

August 14, 2022

Charlie's POV

They say love is this magical, beautiful thing that sweeps you off your feet and makes all your problems seem smaller. That it lights a flame inside of you that keeps you warm when the world is bitterly cold. That it fixes people.

Let me tell you, my experience with love has never been anything like that. It doesn't sweep you off your feet, it leaves you sobbing on your knees wondering what went wrong with it falls apart. It creates more problems than you already had and the only flame I've ever known is that of my lighter as I'm lighting up. Love left me broken in the cold. It stole my warmth as well as my trust.

Love is simply an illusion created by optimists and the hopeless romantics. It's the pessimists that will tell you the truth, that it's a sham. A lie that will only hurt you in the end no matter how sweet it may seem in the beginning.

All I've ever done my whole life is search for someone to love, and to love me in return. Each time it ended in disaster and I slowly broke down and lost my pieces along the way. I used to think I could relate to Kai, because he too understood all this, but he's somehow found the strength to cling to the idea that love is out there for him. Perhaps I learned faster, because I know better than to think there is a love out there for me that won't hurt me.

At first I believed that Seth could be that person, the one who protected me and cared for me, despite his vulgar words and childish behavior. Yet, he too proved to be just another disappointment. All in all, I'm at my limit and I'm tired of getting my hopes up.

"Charlie!" The barista calls me, and I stand with a sigh and go grab my coffee.

I'm supposed to be meeting Kai for breakfast, but he called last minute and said he couldn't make it. Something has been seriously bothering him lately and I know it has to do with Jace.

Jace.

I sigh at the thought. It would be an out right lie if I said I didn't still love him. It's as I said before, there is no such thing as losing feelings for that man. He has his faults, but he tries his best for everyone and he has such a kind soul. That's what makes him perfect. Our love, however, could never be and I've accepted this. When we were together, we were toxic for one another. He being so pure, and I being too bitter and close-minded for him. I let my problems defile me and make me into a shameful person, whereas Jace used his problems to strengthen himself and become an admirable man.

After we split and I realized this, I turned my love for him into idolization. I worked hard to better myself to make myself worthy of ever having been called his lover. To be worthy of his friendship to this day. I've gotten far, and though I now feel like I'm someone notable, I have to ask myself why it is I can't find the happiness he has. Why can't I do what others do? Where is my happy ending? My perfect match. Fate has sent me on quite the lonesome path and I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I've done all I can think to do, but it still doesn't feel like it's enough. There's something I'm missing, something I have yet to do. I just can't figure it out.

"You sigh a lot, dude," A voice giggles from beside me.

I look up and find myself facing a very beautiful young lady. "Oh, right. Uh--sorry."

She chuckles and shakes her head, "Is this seat taken?"

I shake my head and wonder why on earth she's bothering with me of all people as she sits across from me. To be honest, she's gorgeous. Soft brown hair, with natural caramel highlights. Olive skin tone with defined features. Her eyes are the most unsettling thing. Pure green, not even a hint of blue or brown. They're oddly pale, though.