Fate (Boyxboy)

Derailed

August 14, 2022

I stare numbly out the window that overlooks a good portion of London as my front door swings open with a sudden bang. Slowly, I tear my gaze from the window and meet Charlie's, there's something lighter about them.

"Where were you?" I ask softly.

His eyes soften in a sad way that pisses me off, "I ran into Seth's sister and then I kind of got dragged back to his place."

That sparked something in me, "He didn't hurt you, did he? If he said anything-"

"No, Kai. It's fine, I... Lucy told me a lot and I guess you could say Seth and I are working it out. Thanks though, for what you did," He says with a small smirk.

I shrug and go back to looking out the window, suddenly uninterested in the whole conversation. To be honest I'm exhausted, and focusing on anything is damn near impossible. I'd sleep, but... then the nightmares would just wake me anyway. I don't want to see his face right now, it hurts too much.

"Have you eaten today?" Charlie nags.

I can't help but roll my eyes, "Yeah."

If you count a slice of plain toast as eating.

"Well, I'm making stir-fry for dinner, you like that right?" He asks me.

With a sigh I force myself up and begin making my way to my room, but as soon as I'm out of my seat, my phone rings for the billionth time today. I don't have to look at the callers ID to know who it is. I'm a terrible person, please just stop.

"Is that, Jace?" Charlie asks, with that stupid sad expression again.

I bite my lip painfully, "No. He hasn't called all week. That's probably Daisy."

Not probably.

I know it is.

"Shouldn't you answer?" He asks, but sighs when I just stare at the phone until it stops ringing. "Jesus, Kai. What happened last week. Was it Jace? Did something happen between you two? Are you and Daisy fighting? C'mon just talk to me, you know I'm here for you."

I pocket my phone once more and turn my back on my friend, hating myself for hurting yet another person I care about, "I'm going to my room for the night. See you in the morning, Charlie."

"What about dinner?" He sighs.

"Not hungry."

With that, I shut my door and resigned myself to another night alone with my thoughts.

August 15, 2022

Splashing some water in my face to wake myself before the show, I look up at my reflection in the staff bathroom mirror. God, I look as horrible as I feel. When was the last time I slept longer than an hour? Two days ago? Three? Perhaps four even? Who knows, everything just seems to be meshing together lately.

I want to be afraid that I've slipped back into such old habits, but for all I've done lately, I feel like it's karma coming back to bite me. I deserve it for those I'm hurting. For those I will hurt.

"Kai? You're on in five... you alright?" Seth says, knocking on the door.

I sigh.

so much for some quiet alone time.

Opening the door, I walked right past Seth in an attempt to ignore him like I have been all week, but he wasn't having that. Not in the slightest. Suddenly, there were arms thrown around me from behind and a head nudging at my shoulder, "Oh, Kai-babe! I'm sorry for what I said! Please talk to me! Please stop ignoring me, it's driving me berserk! I was so lonely that I called up Leah just to chat, and then she yelled at me because it was three in the morning! Do you know how loud a pissy girl can yell at three in the morning? Pretty loud!"