Fate (Boyxboy)

'Just Tell Me The Truth'

July 29, 2022

I smile at Jace as he holds the coffee shop door for me as we exit the familiar building. We had sat across the room from a very specific table for very specific reasons, but other than that, it had been pleasant. The way two old friends catching up is supposed to be. Even if we didn't talk all that much. We'd both been rather lost in thought to be quite honest.

Walking down the street, I look up from the pavement and see a building standing tall a little ways down. Seeing it now, I get shivers at the thought of what I nearly did to myself all those years ago. If I could go back in the past, I'd make my past self realize that things always get better, that hanging on is the best decision I'd ever make, no matter how much pain came with that decision, the happy moments in my future would make it all so worth it.

A tug on my sleeve pulls my attention back and I look over and see Jace looking up at that building as well, a thoughtful look in his eyes before they shift to me and he gives me a happy smile while speaking softly, "I'm glad you didn't."

There's no need to ask what he means, because I understand and he knows this when all I do is nod. Not even thinking about it, I take his hand in mine and twine our fingers together loosely. It's not a romantic gesture, but... more of a need to feel him. Make sure he's still here. Or maybe, to make sure I'm not alone.

"Remember that night, just before we got the news of your mum?" He says, looking off down the street as we walk casually, not in a hurry to get anywhere.

I nod with a hint of a smile, "Yeah. We were playing video games and messing about like kids."

He laughs at this, "That's when I knew I had really started to like you, in a non-friend way... because when we were wrestling and I fell on top of you... I wanted to kiss you."

I blush and chuckle lightly, "Honestly, I hadn't realized that I was gay at that point, but I wouldn't have stopped you if you had. I wanted it too, I was just confused as to why I wanted it."

He sobers up and sighs, "I miss those days. When things weren't as complicated. Hard as hell, sure. But... at least we were okay."

"You're doing it again, Jace," I mutter sadly.

"Well, I'm sorry! Okay? I miss us! I miss you!" He exclaims in frustration.

I stop and yank my hand away from him in anger, "Then perhaps you shouldn't have left me, Jace! Maybe you should have given us a fighting chance! Maybe you shouldn't have lied about being dead for the past eleven years!"

He frowns sadly, guilt seeping into his eyes in the form of tears, "I don't know how many times I can say I'm sorry, Kai."

"Then don't say it anymore, because I don't want to hear it," I sigh, turning and walking away.

I'm only a few feet away when I hear him sniffle and choke out one more apology, With a sigh I look back and soften my gaze, the guilt tearing at my heart strings, "I didn't mean to snap... I'm sorry, I just--"

He shakes his head and wipes away the tears that have escaped, "No, I deserve it."

Feeling guilty as hell, even though I probably shouldn't, I shrug and hold out my hand to him once more, "Let's forget about it for now... will you come somewhere with me? It would mean a lot."

He says nothing, but takes my hand anyway and I can't help but smile sadly at him as we walk on in silence.

Walking into the cemetery, I feel terrible that I not only left behind the living, but the non-living. I'd promised my mom I would come back and visit. I should have come home sooner, at least for her. Feeling like a terrible son, I lead Jace through the maze of grave stones until we come to a stop at hers.