Love and Pretensions (Published Under PIP)

10.

I grew up without a father. My mom said he cheated when I was a baby, that's why they broke up. I don't know, I never met him. He's just as good as dead to me.

My brother, who was five years older than me, was the one who took care of me whenever mom wasn't around. We grew up really close so I was kind of sad when he had to get married and moved out.

He married for convenience. Like what mom is doing to me now, she forced him to make Ate Ari, who came from a very successful family, fall in love with him. In the end, kuya fell in love during their marriage and now they're having a daughter together.

Kuya's story ended well, but how would mine end? When I was young, I dreamt of being so much more than who I am now.

People around me... they think I have the perfect life. Rich family, influential friends, a happy life, and that I can do just about anything. But none of that is true anymore. What I show others is all a façade to who I really am.

When I entered showbusiness, my main goal was to be famous. I wanted everyone's attention to be on me, maybe because I never got that as a child. I craved for fame and attention, I just never thought that all of it had consequences.

I needed to be perfect in front of everyone's eyes. Pretty face, perfect body, a good social image... it was all going so well until Bethany showed up and stole my spotlight.

I lost my shine and our family lost our company, all at the same time.

-

Wearing my white two piece and a cover up, I went out of my room to have dinner with Kai. I think we're having a night swim at the infinity pool after.

Hindi ko alam na dito pala sa beach ang punta namin, kaya naman ay wala akong masyadong nadalang mga summer clothes, buti nalang ay may mga nagtitinda ng magagandang dresses at bikinis sa malapit. Sinamahan pa nga ako ni Kai na mamili at siya pa ang nagbayad.

Na-realize ko tuloy na simula nang makilala ko si Kai ay hindi na ako masyadong gumagastos. Paano ba naman, lagi siyang nag-aayang lumabas pero ayaw naman akong hayaang magbayad ng para sa kahit ano. Lahat ay sagot niya.

"Let's go?" he asked. Tumango naman ako at ngumiti. Nag buffet ulit kami. Paulit-ulit lang ang kinakain namin pero wala namang problema sa'kin dahil ako mismo ang nag request no'n. 'Pagbalik kasi namin ay sigurado akong hindi na ulit ako makakakain ng ganito. Mukhang wala namang reklamo si Kai.

"So, how's the resort? Do you like it?" tanong niya sa'kin habang kumakain kami.

"I love it! Ang ganda ng surroundings, lalong-lalo na 'yung beach! Masaya din 'yung mga activities na ino-offer niyo. And the food here? Chef's kiss! I'm sure magugustuhan talaga 'to ng mga pupunta." I said honestly. I really love it here. Kung pwede lang sana ay dito nalang ako palagi eh.

"I can't wait for you to see the infinity pool later." sabi niya.

We ate while telling stories to each other, kwinento niya din kung paano niya nahanap ang resort na 'to at kung ano ang nagtulak sa kanya na bilhin.

He told me that he always wanted to have a beach house when he's old enough, pero dahil wala pa naman daw siyang pamilya ay resort muna ang binili niya. Matagal na itong resort na 'to pero nalugi dahil hindi daw gano'n kaganda ang lugar dati, naisip niya na sayang naman kaya binili niya at pina-renovate, pinalawak na niya din.

We rested for about less than an hour before going to the infinity pool. It's as beautiful as I imagined!

"Kai, take a picture of me here oh!" I said and handed him my phone before sitting at a lounger.

He took a few shots of me. He's really a good photographer! The way he angled the camera's so perfect! Siguro kung hindi siya business man, photographer siya?

"Picture din tayo, dali!" sabi ko at hinila siya. We took a few more photos until we decided to swim. The water temperature was perfect, hindi malamig pero hindi din mainit. It was just right!

"I want to stay here forever." I said and sat at the edge of the pool. Nakababad ang paa ko sa tubig habang nakatingin ako sa dagat.

"Good idea! We can build our own beach house over there." he pointed at an empty space nearby. Umupo siya sa tabi ko at ngumiti.

"Crazy ka." I laughed and lightly hit his shoulders. "I like your suggestion but we both know that I can't leave my life in Manila. Hindi ko pa nga naaayos, iiwan ko na kaagad?"

Natahimik siya at matagal tumitig sa'kin. I stared back at him and smiled. I know to myself that I'm not really nice to most people, but with Kai, I always seem to be someone who has a soft heart. Ang bait ko sa kanya. And I also notice that I smile a lot when I'm around him, something that doesn't usually happen when I'm with someone else.

"Do you really care about fame, Autumn?" he asked softly. Napanguso naman ako at tumango.

"I don't know why, but it feels good to be famous, to be the talk of the town. It gives me satisfaction, Kai. So yes, I do care about fame." That's honestly all I ever care about.

"There's so much more than that, Autumn." mahinang sabi niya.

Like what, Kai? What else is better than attention?

All my life, I never had anything for myself. I never had a family, not even one true friend... I never had anyone. Of course my kuya was there by my side, but he had his own life too. And I am always left out. I'm always found alone. But when I started acting and I became famous, when people started looking up at me and adoring me... I felt wanted. I felt like I belong somewhere, and that is the spotlight. I thought that maybe, I never got attention when I was young because I was meant to have it now that I'm older. And the moment I experienced how good it felt, I never wanted to let it go.

"But that's what I want. And I'll do everything for it, Kai. Kahit pa may matapakan akong ibang tao, ang importante ay makuha ko ang gusto ko." walang pagsisinungaling na sabi ko. I sound selfish and I know I am.

Natahimik siya sa sinabi ko. "Is that so?" he muttered.

Tumango ako at sumandal sa balikat niya bago inabot ang kaniyang kamay. I intertwined it with mine and smiled.

The moon was shining, it was a pretty sight. The night was so calm, so was my heart. It was never like this before.

Kai was really something. He makes me feel things that I have never felt. And once in my life, I hoped for a moment to last for a lifetime.

Can we stay like this forever?

I felt pain in my heart at that thought. For I knew for a fact that like everyone, he'll leave me too. I'm not worth staying for anyways.

Sarili ko ngang ama ay nagawa akong iwan, ibang tao pa kaya?

I wonder what would happen to me when he decides to leave me someday? Babalik ba ulit ang buhay ko sa dati? Sa kung saan naghihirap ako? Wala akong pera at hindi na ako sikat?

Bigla kong naalala ang dahilan kung bakit ako nandito. My plan was to use him to get my life back. I need him for fame.

I smiled sadly. Hindi ako makapaniwalang dumating ako sa puntong manggagamit ako ng ibang tao para makuha ang gusto ko. But I'm really that desperate.

"Kai..." I called slowly.

Make him fall in love with you.

Nang lumingon siya sa'kin ay wala sa sarili akong lumapit at hinila siya palapit para hinalikan sa labi. He was shocked at first pero nang makabawi ay kaagad na gumanti at hinawakan pa ang likod ng leeg ko para mas mapalapit ako sa kanya.

And under the bright full moon, we shared our first kiss.

"What was that for?" he asked with a sly smile when our lips parted. Nahihiyang yumuko ako pero inangat niya ang mukha ko at sinandal ang noo sa noo ko.

"Autumn..." he called slowly.

I gulped and looked straight into his eyes. And with the burning determination I had in me, "Be my boyfriend, Kai." I said.