Love and Pretensions (Published Under PIP)

21.

"What do you think about marriage?" Kai suddenly asked out of the blue while we were eating breakfast.

Napaisip tuloy ako, sobrang laking bagay ng pagpapakasal. Sabi nga ng mga matatanda, hindi 'yan katulad lang ng kanin na pwede mong idura lang kapag napaso ka.

"That, uh, it's a lifetime commitment and is a very big decision to make?" I shrugged, not really sure about my answer. But I knew I had a point. I mean, the rest of your life depends on it, lalo na't hindi naman basta-basta ang pakikipaghiwalay kapag mag-asawa na kayo.

"Bakit mo naman naitanong?" I asked him.

"I just thought of it. I'm old and stable enough to settle down, don't you think?"

Tumango naman ako. He's 27 and has a stable job, malaki din ang income. Mabubuhay niya naman ang asawa niya kung sakali.

"Oo naman." I nodded and took a bite off of my toast. Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang may kumirot sa dibdib ko sa isiping maaaring ikasal siya sa iba.

"How about you? Are you ready for that lifelong commitment?" he asked me this time.

Mahina akong natawa at umiling. "Feeling ko hindi pa. Ang dami ko pang mga pangarap para sa sarili ko eh. Siguro hindi pa oras para sa'kin na bumuo ng sariling pamilya."

At natatakot din akong matulad kay mommy. Her marriage was a total fail and I don't want mine to end up like that.

"Oh... okay." napatango siya at mukhang malalim ang iniisip.

"Pero come to think of it, parang gusto ko din. The thought of growing old with the man you truly love is nice. I want that." bawi ko sa unang sinabi.

Balak ko namang magpakasal, pero hindi pa sa ngayon. Tulad ng sinabi ko kay kuya, hahanap muna ako ng lalaking katulad niya.

Kai nodded and smiled. "It's not a rush anyways."

Tumango din ako at uminom sa orange juice ko. "Tama. Siguro kung engagement pwede pa. Kasal, pag-isipan muna." I chuckled.

Pwede namang gano'n 'di ba? Na 'yung engagement, parang assurance lang na ikakasal kayo balang araw?

"Yeah, engagement's the best option." He laughed. "Oh, by the way, I'm gonna visit my parents today. I was wondering if you want to come with me? I want you to meet them."

Natigilan ako sa pagkain dahil sa sinabi niya. His parents... basically his mom and our dad.

I nodded eagerly. "Y-yeah, sige. Pwede naman." I want to meet my father.

"Great! Let's get ready after we eat, hmm?"

Tumango ako at nagpatuloy sa pagkain. I'm finally gonna meet him. And I don't know why I'm so nervous. Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko. The thought of meeting him never crossed my mind. Honestly, I'm mad at him for cheating on my mom and abandoning me and kuya. And I still am. At gusto ko siyang makausap. Gusto ko siyang awayin. Sumbatan.

Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako makagalaw nang makarating kami sa bahay nila.

Nanlalamig ako pero nararamdaman ko ang pawis sa noo ko, and my heart is thumping loudly.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here. And I'm sure they'll like you." Kai said and kissed my temple. Inakbayan niya ako at inalalayan patungo sa main door.

Some maids welcomed us. Nginitian naman sila ni Kai bago ako dinala ako sa living room kung saan may dalawang matandang busy sa panonood sa malaking TV screen sa harap nila.

"Mom, dad." tawag ni Kai. Napatingin tuloy sila sa'min at kitang-kita ko kung paano nangislap ang mga mata ng babae. Dali-dali siyang tumayo at yinakap si Kai.

"Anak, I missed you!"

Kai chuckled and hugged his mom back. Lumapit din naman ang daddy niya at yumakap sa kanya.

Daddy niya... na talaga ngang kamukha ko.

"Mom, dad, this is Avery. Remember the girl I've been telling you about? My girlfriend."

Sabay na napatingin ang dalawa sa'kin. His mom's eyes softened and she immediately held my hand.

"It's so nice to meet you, hija. Oh, you're so pretty! No wonder Kai keeps talking about you!" she said cheerfully. Naiilang naman akong ngumiti at nagpasalamat.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Avery." sabi naman ng matandang lalaki.

Should I call him dad?

Nah, he was never a father to me and kuya anyways. And as far as I'm concerned, he no longer exists.

"The pleasure's all mine, sir." Plastic akong ngumiti.

He stared at me for a while. "You look like someone I know." he blurted.

I look like you, stupid! Hindi niya ba ako nakikilala? Sabagay, gano'n talaga siguro kapag walang pakialam.

"Maybe you're just mistaken, sir." I smiled again.

"Yeah, maybe." napatango siya. "Anyways, are you kids hungry? Sakto, may natira pang meryenda diyan." he offered.

The four of us ended up in their kitchen. Masayang nagkwe-kwentuhan si Kai at ang mga magulang niya habang ako naman ay tahimik na nakamasid.

Dad looks happy while talking nonsense with his so called 'son'. Meanwhile, me and my brother lived for years without him. We craved for love and attention from him. We needed him. But while we were going through all of that, he's here, with his family.

Napangiti nalang ako nang mapait. Wala kang kwentang ama.

"Avery, hija? Are you alright?"

I stopped thinking when Kai's mom called me. I smiled sweetly and shook my head.

"I'm okay po. I just thought you had a wonderful family." I uttered.

Napangiti naman siya at nagpasalamat.

"I'm guessing you and your family bond like this too?" she didn't sound as if she was mocking me but I can't help but feel annoyed.

You stole that from us.

Umiling ako at mahinang natawa. "Uh, my parents are separated. Sumama po si daddy sa kabit niya, iniwan niya po kami ng kuya at mommy ko 'nung baby palang ako." I said and purposely glanced at my father.

"Oh, we're sorry to hear that, hija. I hope your mom's doing fine." she said and reached for my hand from across the table.

"She's been well po. As for me and my brother, we're good. I honestly think that those daddy issues made us stronger." pagbibiro ko.

The three of them laughed. Kai softly patted my back and smiled.

"Well, I think your attention towards Kai made him softer. Look at our big baby." asar naman ng mommy ni Kai sa kanya. His dad laughed heartily and patted his shoulder.

Ganito pala kasakit 'no? For the first time, you're eating with your father... but with his family.

Bigla akong naawa sa sarili ko. I feel so out of place here. Pakiramdam ko ay panira ako sa bonding nila ngayong araw.

Bakit ko pa ba kasi ginustong pumunta dito?

Oh, right, I wanted to meet my father. Ngayon naiintindihan ko na kung bakit hindi niya 'man lang kami nagawang bisitahin ni kuya. Kahit isang beses 'man lang. Dahil busy siyang magpaka-tatay sa iba. Busy siyang maging masaya kasama ang bago niyang pamilya.