Love and Pretensions (Published Under PIP)

Epilogue

"Miss Vergara, I'm really impressed with your new designs! It was so creative!" my co-worker said with a huge smile.

"Thank you. I guess art has really been my passion." I smiled back.

"Oh, same! I've loved art eversince I was a young boy! By the way, do you want to have dinner with me? Can I take you out while we talk about our passions?" he said and wiggled his brows.

Gusto kong ngumiwi pero sa limang taon ko dito sa America, nasanay na ako na talagang speed sila dito.

"I really appreciate the offer but I already have a special someone waiting on me, he wouldn't like it when I go out with other guys." I said kindly. Mukhang nagulat naman siya doon.

"Oh, I see. Have a great life then." he said and left. Natawa nalang ako at umiling.

I went to my desk and took my bag and camera. I was done with my work so I can freely go home now. Huling isang linggo ko nalang din dito at babalik na ako sa Pilipinas.

I smiled at the thought of home. Nakaka-miss din pala doon. There were times I would desperately crave for Filipino food na wala naman dito kaya naiiyak nalang ako sa inis. I can't wait to finally go home! I can finally see my niece, my brother's daughter, who's already turning five years old!

I've been working here as a graphic artist for a big company. 'Nung unang taon ko kasi dito ay may naging kaibigan ako na artist din, she invited me to join and exhibit and my boss, the owner of this company, really liked my designs and hired me as one of their graphic artists. I was really happy that time and quickly accepted the job. Malayo 'man sa nakasanayan kong traditional art, natuto naman ako 'nung nagtagal. This is my 4th year with them now.

"So I'm on my way home but I'm gonna drop by at Dunkin' to get some coffee because I'm really exhausted. Thankfully, tomorrow is finally my rest day." I said while starting my engine. Inayos ko ang camera at ngumiti.

I've also been into vlogging a lot since I moved here. I wanted to document everything. I honestly didn't plan to tell anyone about my YouTube channel but for some reason, they found it and now I have 957K Subscribers and counting. Almost a million! That's a lot because I don't really post about it on my social media, I don't promote it either. I wanted people to discover it on their own so I just leave it as is.

"Tomorrow, I will be buying a lot of snacks and chocolates because great news! I'm going back to the Philippines!" I said happily while driving.

"I've been away from home for what- 5 years? Or maybe even more than five years. I just really miss it there... I miss the people I left there." I chuckled, thinking about my parents, my brother, his family, and... Kai.

"Luckily, my boss told me that I can do my job without having to go to the main office anymore! I can work wherever and whenever I want as long as I make it through my deadlines! Ah, yes, freedom!" I happily said.

-

"That'll be a dollar and ninetynine, miss." The lady at the drivethru told me as she handed me my iced coffee. I smiled and gave her two dollars.

I drove away and sipped on my coffee really happily. I just always find calmness in a glass of iced coffe.

Nagbihis muna ako pag-uwi ko ng condo at nagtanggal ng makeup bago muling in-open ang camera ko.

"So I just got home and I got some stuff from Target this morning- which I forgot to vlog." I said while grabbing the bags I have."So let me do a quick haul instead." Tinaas ko ang madaming paper bags para ipakita sa camera. Nahulog pa ang isa kaya napanganga ako sa gulat.

Pinulot ko muna ang nahulog bago umupo sa kama. I started showing the things- mostly toys that I bought. They're all for my little niece.

As planned, I went shopping the next day and continued packing right after. Hindi ko naman kukuhanin lahat ng mga gamit ko dahil malaki ang posibilidad na babalik pa ako dito. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung kailan. Baka matagalan pa pero mas mabuti na din, hindi na ako mahihirapang magdala ng gamit kung sakali. Madami naman akong mga naiwang gamit din sa Pilipinas.

For the past couple of years that I've been here, I would say that I was happy. I made time for myself, I freed myself from everything, and started fresh. Advantage na din na walang masyadong nakakakilala sa'kin dito kaya alam kong walang humuhusga sa bawat galaw ko. I've been really lying low on social media. Minsan nalang ako mag post at mag IG story, hindi katulad noon na halos araw-araw akong may update. I lived my life for myself now, not for other people anymore.

Dati kasi ay lagi kong iniisip kung anong iisipin nila. But now, I don't really care. I've taken full control of my life and I don't need anyone else's opinion about it. I'm prioritizing myself and my own happiness this time.

Life is short and time will come that we'll die one day. And I want to die happy. I want to die knowing that I experienced everything I wanted to.

Other's opinion about you won't matter- that's the most important thing that I realized. I've been letting other's opinion stop me from doing the thing's that I want to do just because I'm scared to be judged by people that I barely even know. But what good would that give me? It will only stop me from being happy. It will only give me future regrets.

I smiled as I remembered everything I did just to make people believe that I was rich and happy. Ano ba ang silbi no'n? Wala namang mabuting naidulot sa'kin 'yun. Pero at least nakilala ko si Kai, 'di ba? Siguro ay sa lahat ng pagkakamaling ginawa ko, ang mahalin lang si Kai ang naging tama. Miss na miss ko na siya, kamusta na kaya siya?

-

As I made my way out of the plane, I can't help but smile and sigh heavily. I'm finally home.

"Avery!" masayang sigaw ni kuya at mahigpit akong niyakap nang magkita kami. I immediately hugged him back and rested my face on his chest.

"I missed you, kuya." I said when we parted. Napatingin ako sa likod niya at kaagad na niyakap si Ate Ari, his wife.

"Welcome home, Avery." she said softly and hugged me back. Ngumiti ako at muling bumaling kay kuya na may buhat nang maliit na bata.

"Ariah, this is your Tita Avery. Say hi, anak." bulong ni kuya.

"Hi, tita ko! Welcome home!" she chanted and extended her arms. Kaagad ko naman siyang binuhat at hinalikan sa pisngi. Wow, she's heavy.

"Hi, baby." I muttered ans smiled at her.

Sa bahay nila kuya kami dumiretso. Naghanda pala sila ng simpleng handaan para sa pag-uwi ko.

"Daddy." I smiled and went near him. He smiled and hugged me.

"I missed you, anak." He said and kissed the top of my head.

"I missed you too, dad." humiwalay ako sakanya at pumunta naman kay Tita Myra para yumakap.

It was just us, our family. It was intimate but was really fun... although someone's missing.

Hindi ba niya alam na ngayon ang uwi ko?

Natapos ang araw na hindi ko siya nakita. Being sad is an understatement to what I feel right now. I was devastated. I was expecting him to come... I missed him and was so excited to see him. But he isn't here.

I sighed and smiled sadly. Maybe he's busy with his own life now.

Napaisip tuloy ako. May asawa na kaya siya? Given that five years has been so long, siguro nga ay may sarili na siyang pamilya. I have no idea. Hindi din kasi siya active sa social media, hindi naman kami nagkakausap sa messages o ano 'man. Simula nang maghiwalay kami sa airport, wala na kaming balita sa isa't-isa.

Napayakap ako sa mga braso ko at napagpasiyahang pumasok nalang ulit. Hinatid ko kasi palabas sila Daddy at Tita Myra, dito na din muna ako 'kila kuya magpapalipas ng gabi.

I turned aroud and opened the small gate. But just as I was about to get inside, a familiar voice called me from behind.

"Welcome home, Autumn."