Too Personal

Part 1~

Her pov*

I peacefully got myself ready for school one morning, totally not letting the fact that last night was one of the worst nights I've had in a long time, get to me. I put on my smiling face like usual and headed to school.

It wasn't like I was being fake. Its just that I want to be that smiling pretty girl who has good grades and talks to her friends. I really do, but I also want to have an emotionally stable family to go home to at the end of the day. We don't always get what we want, though my mom tells me I do daily.

Some days however I feel the little pudge of my stomach shows too much and I decide on wearing a sweatshirt instead. Or my long light brown hair will never be up to par with the other girls and decide to just put it up in a bun for the day. Some days I refuse to wear leggings because i don't feel like getting comments on my figure, though leggings are really comfortable,I'd rather not. It's the life I live, and I deal with it.

With everything going on, my friends stay my friends through school. Other than the few that I see outside of it, most of my friends have never been to my house. Too risky.

Through my years, I have not been in one relationship. I tell myself that it isnt because I'm not pretty enough but maybe I'm too picky. Boys have liked me, boys have asked me out. Random ones, that I never even showed alittle bit interest in. I watched my friends go through all these milestones as I sat back and watched them make mistake after mistake.Hoping I'll be smart enough when my time comes not to make the same mistakes they did and get myself hurt.

With my age of only 16,I feel I am far too mature for my age. Having to deal with the things I do at home contributes to that.

Finding out in 8th grade that my mom was an alcoholic was really hard. But not as hard back then as it was now my sophomore year. It was better back then. Everything is worse now it seems. The fights, the arguments, the pain, the drinking and the stress. The situations get worse with age and her drinking seems to increase yearly. Losing jobs and getting new one for the same dumb reason.

The thing that hurts the most is sometimes I feel she chooses the bottle over me. It really does get to me. But I smile through it and don't say a word unless she starts it. Most of the time our arguments are ridiculous and I wonder if arguing is fun to her.

But like I said,

It's the life I live,and I deal with it.

The hours seemed to pass by everyday at school. The hours until school again would take much longer, because dealing with constant tension was exhausting.

"Did you vacuum?" my mom shouted from the front of our house and I was downstairs in my room.

"Shit." I whispered to myself

"No, sorry I forgot!" I shout back.

I wanted to lay down for a moment or two after getting home from school but she had different ideas.

"You forget everything Sage! You know that?! Come and do it now!" she shouted again. At this point I was already irritated because I had just got home and wanted to rest for maybe 5 minutes but that's not okay with my mom.

I would go upstairs and start vacuuming and she snarked at me telling me to stop with my attitude. I tried to ignore the comment as I was fuming already and didn't what to start a fight. She listed off other chores I had to do as I did each one there was always another. I told her i would do it later. I returned to my room and to do what little homework I had that day and end up forgetting what chores I had left. I knew I had to do something but I couldn't remember. I knew what was coming if I asked her what it was again so I tried my hardest to remember.

I ended up asking and getting yelled at again. I held back MY emotions and did as she told me to.

This was all a normal thing. This would happen regularly. Then later when I'm still in a bad mood she would act all cheery and act like she did nothing wrong. Especially when my dad would return from work. It infuriated me.

The bad thing about all of this was that almost none of my friends knew about any of this happening. And the one friend that did, was always busy it seemed. So I really didnt have anyone to talk to about. That's when I started getting into writing. All sorts of things, Poems, story's, informational essays, just anything to get my mind off things. I've always been into reading also, so I read a bunch to ease my mind.

It's like everyday I base my free time around relaxing myself and keeping myself out of problems.

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Author: I am sorry about the spacing problems. It looks different on mobile than on the computer. And I promise the parts get way longer and better written. I started this a while back and wrote the other parts more recently. Thank you!