Too Personal

Part 14~

(This is a roller coaster of a chapter ..also it's a bit dirty.)

*her pov*

The last month of summer really just drags on. It's not very exciting knowing in a couple weeks school starts up. Matthews football practices,training and whatever else taking up a lot of time in August and the first couple months of school. I knew it would be that way. And my job started up and I was just learning the ropes of the building and the kids and rules, it was fun.

Oh, and hey to make things ever BETTER, August turned out to be the worse month of my life.. Or so it seemed.

Through all my time of hanging with at the Espinosas and going to the beach and having my birthday and getting my car and a job, my mom has gotten worse. Losing her jobs and friendships with people really important to her. She has developed such a short fuse that I hate being around Her and I'm always scared to do anything. But all at the same time I sometimes do anything I want because I know anyway I look at it, she will get mad. She nags at me about my medication i started a couple months ago, telling me how I don't need it and how if anyone needs it its her. Some days she likes Matthew and my friends and other days she decides they're all bad influences and I shouldn't be around them. Of course she says that with a drink in her hand and alcohol in her breath. She has made me immune to low key insults,trash talk and criticism.

My dad hasn't been around as much because of this. They argue almost constantly. And when he drinks like maybe on weekends, he's always on her side. And the rest of the time he puts the guilt trip on me whenever I want to leave him there with her.

I have learned to realize, that I shouldn't have to be there. It is not my fight, and I should not have to be put in such situations and be told to just deal with it, because that's what I have been doing for years!

One day, on one of my days off, my mom was supposed to be picked up by her friend to go get detox done because she decided to stop drinking. Yep, she decided one night that that is what she wanted. I didn't really know what it meant but I was all for it. She was supposed to leave early in the morning. To expected her to be gone when I came upstairs. But she wasn't, she was passed out sitting up right with a cup between her legs and the TV on. There is a big difference between sleeping and being drunk sleeping. She looked sickly.

I was so frustrated I balled my fists and turned around facing the other direction thinking what to do.

"mom? What are you doing here?!" I yelled. She barely moved and opened her eyes when she "woke up".

"I'm fine. I'm fineeee." She slurred. It was nearly 9:30 in the morning and she was already so intoxicated. I walked away and called my dad. He was furious but didn't seem so serious with me on the phone and frustrated me because I actually thought it was gonna be okay.

"Mom? You can't even stay awake! Why didn't you just go?!" I was so upset I was choked up.

"she's gonna come later." She Mumbled. I was fed up, I went out in the back yard and called my moms friend, debby and she was startled by my raging attitude and probably that she could hear me crying. I pulled myself together and her friend was coming to take her.

When debby arrived about 15 minutes later I grabbed my moms bag and set it by the front door. She didn't even notice, she was so oblivious. I let her in and she was quite upset too with my mom.

"Come on, you're going." She told my mom and my mom was shocked. Debby was persistent and I kinda backed up and watched from afar as she struggled to get my mom up and going. My mom was putting up a drunken fight yelling that she was fine and that she didn't want to go and that she wasn't going to. She was crying like we were sending her across the country and I felt so helpless. I felt so vulnerable watching someone be so desperate, someone that was once my security blanket. My mom cried on my shoulder and I felt so out of place. I am not supposed to be the one comforting her. And then she left. And was standing in my house, alone. Realizing what I had done.