Misfits

Crazy little thing called love

{trigger warning}

I woke up, confused as to why there was another human in my bed. Then I remembered and smiled to myself. Gerard was laying on me, his head on my chest.

I turned my head slightly to the side to look at my alarm clock. It was 4am and we had to get ready at six, though I wasn't sure if I really even wanted to go today.

I closed my eyes for what felt for five minutes, actually turned out to be two hours and I was woken by Queen and Gerard jumping because my alarm is so loud.

"Sorry." I mumbled as I reached to turn it off when he grabbed my wrist. "Don't." He smirked as he slid off the bed in only his boxers.

Crazy little thing called love was playing. Gerard tried dancing but he was terrible on his own so he grabbed my hand and pulled me off the bed.

We danced in a swing fashion for the remainder of the song, holding each others hands and smiling. The song came to an end, just like all great things do.

"Who actually has this much energy in the morning?" I asked

"I do when I'm with you." He winked and then kissed me as we layed back down.

"Are we actually gonna go to school today?"

He shrugged "We don't have to, put off our inevitable punishment til Monday."

"Sounds good to me."

As we wasted away the day together, I came to the realization that he promised to take me out on a date today. I wondered if he forgot about that until he spoke up, shaking me from my thoughts.

"Hey baby, where do you want to go tonight, for our date I mean." His eyes lit up like the Fourth of July, but just as fast as they came, they turned sad after I told him "I don't care."

"Oh.." He slowly rolled away from me and ran his fingers through his fiery red hair. "I didn't mean it like that Gee. I want to go out with you tonight, but you should pick. Surprise me."

He turned and smiled, but it was more fake than the red hair dye he seemed to be trying to pull out.

"I'm sorry, come here." I held out my arms for him but he didn't come, instead he got up.

"I'm gonna pick you up at 7 okay? Be ready I want to make tonight special." He walked out. I don't know what I did to upset him. Something must be bothering him and my words gave just enough friction to the fuse to set off a fire. Sometimes I don't realize how much snapping at someone can hurt them.

I rolled out of bed and walked into the bathroom. Turning on the light and looking into the mirror just to see someone I didn't recognize, someone who looked like they'd just joined some sort of death parade.

My eye was swollen and I had a cut on my upper lip, which was sore to the touch. Gerard's lips were the only thing that made me feel better, they made me feel home, though I don't quite know where that is.

I took my shirt off and stared into the mirror. I am fat. I am disgusting. I don't deserve to eat. I'm gross, no one will ever love me.

I turned on the shower and got in. I was staring at the water as it dripped from my shoulder to my forearm to the very tips of my finger.

I looked at my stomach. I hated it, I hate eating and I hate food because of what it does to me. Was Gerard just using me? How could someone ever love someone like me.

Fat and disgusting. By that point I was crying so hard, though I couldn't distinguish what was water and what were tears. Part of me believed I was crying more tears than water coming out of the shower head.

The last day I cut was the day I thought I had lost Gerard because I was disgusting and stupid, I feel that way today. Though I feel like I'm losing myself more and more every day.

The blood fell from my wrists down my legs into the drain, pooling and being sucked in very slow. It stung, but it was the good kind of stinging.

I dried off and wrapped my arms just so they'd stop bleeding. I suddenly felt very tired and fell asleep on my bed not bothering to set an alarm.

I woke to a loud crack of thunder at 3 in the afternoon. I sat up and winced at the pain in which my arms still stung. I hate myself and I hate that I do this to myself.

But I need it, it's like a drug.

Gerard is like a drug. I'm need his lips that feed my addiction.

As I got ready I nervously applied makeup around my wounds and wore long sleeves and long pants, knowing I would somehow screw everything up tonight.

I walked downstairs to find my mom absent as usual. Though I knew she was working and she worked hard to keep this house, I sometimes miss her.

I waited by the door like a teenage girl who was going out with her boyfriend for the first time.

Oh wait. Haha very funny Frankie.

As I stood there looking out the window waiting for Gerard's car to come around the corner I wondered why his life ever crossed paths with mine. I need him, though he is slowly killing me.

As the time switched from 6:59 to 7:00 I started to get worried because he as never late. Time kept on rolling and I kept waiting until the time hit 9:00 and I finally dragged myself to bed.

I had been stood up.

{Hiii I finally wrote yes. I'm sorry you were probably expecting something better... I'll try harder next time I promise. Anywho comment and stuff because I love you allxoxox}