—Sad and Confused—
Kabanata 6
One week had passed since that incident. After that day, I didn't receive any text nor a call from Jacob. Wala na rin akong narinig na balita tungkol kay Peter. Even Daddy didn't talk to me. I kept the incident from my parents.
I can't be a disappointment.
Everything went back to normal. I work during the day and party at night. The only difference is that I couldn't work properly, lalo na at wala si Jacob. I know he's my next target, but everything goes against my plan.
I'm starting to miss him. He is the one who comforted me the first time he saw me vulnerable and crying.
Pero ngayon, I don't think he's interested anymore. Baka nawawalan na sya ng gana knowing someone already touched and kissed me. I know I shouldn't think this way, but ano pa ba ang dahilan kung bakit hindi sya magparamdam?
"Avyanna, honey. Is everything fine?" Mommy asked.
Kakauwi ko lang galing bar nang tumawag sya. It's already 5 a.m. ng nakauwi ako sa condo ko. I am staying here at bumisita lang ako sa family house. Namin katulad nung ipinakilala ko si Jacob sa parents' house. I compose myself to answer her properly.
"Yes mommy." I brushed my hair down and took off my shoes.
I heard her sigh, a sign that she is worried. I was worried too. I was worried for myself; lately I am flinching when someone else is touching my shoulder to greet. I was afraid when some guy stood in front of me with a friendly smile, like I was traumatized by it.
"You don't sound good, honey... Did you eat? Do you have any problems? Kamusta pala kayo ni Jacob? Are you two still talking?
Mommy asked so many questions, and I can't answer even one of them.
"No, I—" my voice cracked. "Don't have any problems, mommy." Tears go down my cheeks. Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko upang walang makatakas na hikbi.
For one week, I've been keeping this to myself. I want to tell them, but I'd rather keep it until I forget everything that happened last week.
"Are you two still talking anak?" Hows—' I cut her off. "I have to prepare for work, mommy. Bye." I turned off the call and took a shower.
I want to get rid of the memories of that day. I still feel Peter's hand on my jaw, forcing it to open for him to kiss. I still feel how he horribly touched my chest, and I want to erase those traces and tracks. Sinabon kong mabuti ang leeg ko hanggang sa mamula. I keep on brushing until it bruises my skin. At least in that way, it will cover the memory I remember from that spot.
I have no one to call, no one to cry out.
I should've stopped my plan in the first place. Masyadong delikado na pumasok ako at makipaglaro sa mga lalaking, hindi ko lubusang kilala.
I let my guard down and was thinking of revenge only because I got played and hurt by the first man I gave my purest love to.
Nagbihis ako ng pambahay para matulog. Isang linggo rin akong nagsign ng leave dahil sa nangyari, kaya pinayagan ako ni Mr. Tiago sa gusto ko. I'm sure the hangover will hit me after I wake up later.
Nagise ako sa ingay ng phone ko. It's already 5 in the evening. I slept for twelve hours because of the sleepless nights and nightmares I encountered. Ito ang pinakamahabang pahinga na ginawa ko in the past weeks.
I checked my phone, and I saw missed calls and texts from Jacob and Sage. I ignore Jacob's and open Sage's text.
Sage:
Girl! How are you? Tomorrow night? I'll see you in Phillip's bar!
Me: "I'm in Sage."
Notification: ******** tagged you in a post.
Habang hinihintay ko ang reply ni Sage ay binuksan ko ang social media account ko para tumingin kung anong meron. I scrolled through my newsfeed and saw the video from M. Bar. Someone posted it, and the viewers mentioned my account in the post.
I saw some bad comments about me and my dating history, while a few people defended me. I can't breathe this news; may mga nagshare din na, I am heartless and a snake. Someone even posted the scene on my workplace blog, saying I deserved it. Nangingiyak akong binato ang phone ko sa pader at nawasak ito. I need to be strong, but saan ako kakapit para tumayo? I can't even lift my head when people are around.
Wala akong ginawa kundi umiyak at magmukmok sa kwarto ko, kaya hindi ko na namalayan ang gutom. Mabilis kong kinuha ang susi ng sasakyan ko at isinuot ang sunglasses. Nagsuot din ako ng oversize sweater dahil buwan na ng November at malamig na ang hangin. I don't want to expose myself to waste. I look like I've been dead for years and just woke up because of my dark eyes and pale skin.
Mabilis akong nagdrive papuntang supermarket para bumili ng grocery items, tsaka pumunta ng cake shop para bumili ng chocolate truffles and vanilla vento cake. Cake has been my favorite comfort food since my family's former cook used to bake me one. Sadly, she passed away.
Paglabas ko ng cake shop ay nakita ko si Jacob. I saw him with another woman. He let her into his car. The car that he used when he kissed me back outside his bar Tumakbo ako at mabilis na pumasok sa Sasakyan. I guess we're over. Yun pala ang dahilan kung bakit hindi manlang sya tumawag at nagparamdam sa akin. He begs me to give him two weeks and trust him. But what is happening? Am I being played again?
I let my guard down again.
"Where are you?" I asked Jacob between the calls.
"I'm sorry, babe; may kailangan akong puntahan." I'll explain later. Jacob ended my call. I tried to call him again, but he's out of reach.
Magkapatid nga sila,
Pagbukas ko ng pinto ay naabutan ko si Mommy na naglilinis. Bago ako umalis kanina; this place looks like a dump area. full of clothes and garbage. But now it looks like a new house.
"Mom..."
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