Playing Wicked Games (Mondejar Series 1)

Kabanata 22

Unsafe

I want to be a mom, having a child and having someone whom I see grow up each day and a child of my own. I want to have a child who I can share all the learnings I have been collected from all these years. But it's hard to start when you know there are two probable effects.

One, we will live as a happy family. Where I will be a loving mom and Jacob will be a loving Dad. And our child will be our source of happiness.

Then there's the second thought. Where my mind start to fall off. When I could hardly raise my child, without a father who will help him build his life as a person. I don't want that to happen.

My child will suffer, having no idea what is like to be a Dad someday.

Jacob have feelings for me, but it's not enough reason for me to bear a child outside of marriage. I want to have our child when we're sure. And still.

When there's a ring on my finger.

No one wants to settle on someone who can't even bring you to the church and make you walk down the isle to introduce your beloved to be the person who you want to spend your life with.

And I'm relieved Damo already thought of marriage.

"What's on your mind?"

Arms wraps around my waist and warm breathing have covered my neck, making me stop from brushing the dirty dishes. I didn't bother to talk to Jacob after my parents went over, I'm too occupied with the thought of marriage.

And bearing his child.

I did not answer and still continue brushing. Not until he slightly bit my right shoulder which automatically make me hit him.

Tawa pa. Seryoso ako dito.

"Hey Avyanna, baby please talk. Kanina mo pa ako hindi pinapansin."

Iba pala sya maglambing sa tagalog. But this is all an act. I shouldn't be swayed by his charm.

"P-paano kung may nabuo?" I nervously asked.

This time I faced his direction. Not looking into his deep eyes. I'm afraid to see his reaction, to hear his answer.

"Meron o wala I would still ask for your hand." He calmly said.

Using his finger, Jacob lift my chin up to meet his gaze. His eyes are sparkling like it's willing to live for billion of light years away from earth just to make sure nothing will hurt the planet too much.

He would do whatever it takes just to make sure the one that he wanted get what she deserves. And I deserve everything. My worth.

"I didn't sign up for this. I'm not ready!" I almost shouted.

Isa pa, mukhang wala na syang balak umuwi. May isa na syang bag ng damit dito, good thing Dad cleared everything that he can't stay any longer just because we did share a night. We can't live together outside of marriage.

"I'm not ready too, but I'll be ready if it's you." He said.

Jacob squeezed my hand to calm my senses. Getting into relationship then suddenly talking about making a family burns my system. I'm not ready yet.

Naalala ko noong sinabi nya kanina na if i wish for him to stay then he will. He will give everything,  Jacob will build a family with me. Then if I push him away because I don't want him, then he's willing to give me up.

For me to be happy.

Those words came out from his mouth made me sad and confused at the same time. What if I said no? Will he fight for his love to me? or he would just shove his head and walk away? Am i not worth the fight? Or he just did enough?