You couldn't remember how many times you had watched this part.
The plane crash. Lexi's death. Mark's death. Eight? Nine? Ten times?
It seemed ridiculous, to watch one show so many times that you knew every line by heart. Every moment by feel. But Grey's Anatomy was your show. Especially on a night like tonight.
One of those endless, sleepless nights that seemed to plague your existence. You didn't know why you had them, you only knew that they were never rare and never far between.
Your best friend blamed it on your depression and childhood trauma which you refused to work through. You simply told her that it was merely because you though better at night and early mornings be damned. She would just roll her eyes and brush it off.
She knew not to argue with you on the subject.
You were at least trying to get some help, what more could she ask for? It wasn't a simple process and for you this was only the start.
You weren't ashamed to admit it. You cried. Even after seeing it a million times over, Lexi's death still hit you harder than you wanted to admit.
Maybe you really were depressed.
"Babe?" A voice called from behind you, just loud enough for you to hear but not so much so that it would startle you.
You didn't even have to glance behind you to know who it came from, you simply smiled and tilted your head back, allowing your heart to flutter when your girlfriend kissed your forehead with a tired sigh.
"Hey," you whispered back, gazing into an endless sea of blue, your smile growing impossibly wider when Perrie leaned down to capture your lips between her own in a gentle kiss.
Pulling away, she smiled down at you and sighed, patting your head in the sleepy manor she had become accustomed to. You couldn't help but smile.
When Perrie stumbled into your life the random sleepless night seemed to dwindle and your life quickly changed from long nights binge watching to sleeping cozily in your own bed, wrapped up in your girlfriend's warm embrace.
But that didn't mean those night were gone.
It didn't take much for a simple "one more episode, I promise" to turn into "it's 6am and I'm just now crawling into bed."
But you gave Perrie a lot of credit. She never pushed.
Sometimes she would wake up in the middle of the night to find you gone, then stumble into the living room, with a tired smile and kiss you on the forehead before heading back to bed with a mumbled "I love you." On other nights, Perrie would join you, curling her body into your side and nuzzling her face into your neck before dozing off in your arms. And on the rare occasion that you would fall asleep somewhere between the plane crash and Derek's death, Perrie would round you up and bring you back to bed or cover your shivering body with the warm woolen blanket she had knitted you for your 21st birthday.
You couldn't possibly be more grateful to have her in your life.
Especially on nights like these.
Perrie's eyes drifted lazily towards the tv and back to you. "Grey's Anatomy? Really?" She asked clearly amused. "How many times have you seen this now?"
"Like 812," you shrugged, patting the spot beside you when Perrie started to round the couch. "But can you blame me?"
Perrie shook her head and sat beside you, her arms instantly going towards your waist and pulling you into her side before she nuzzled her face in your neck with yet another content sigh.
"It is a great show." Your girlfriend agreed. "Even if they do kill off or get rid of all my favorite characters."
"Or breakup your favorite couples."
"Or kill Derek Shepard."
You shook your head in amusement and rested it gently against Perrie's. "I still can't believe you think he's hotter than me."
"He is hotter than you." Perrie answered, stifling a laugh. You could feel her warm breath on your neck, but refused to acknowledge the shivers that trailed down your spine when she pressed her lips to the base of your jaw.
"Yeah, well, Christina Yang is hotter than you." You fired back half-heartedly.
But Perrie merely giggled into your hair and said, "Yeah, you're totally right. Sandra Oh is so much hotter than me."
When your laughter dies down after a few moments, you sigh and drop your head into your hands. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" Perrie asks, clearly confused.
"All of this." You clarify. "I guess you got a little more than you bargained for going into this relationship. Especially with this." You gestured to the room around you as if it explained everything. But from the look Perrie gave you, you knew she understood.
She smiled up at you and pulled you in for a chaste kiss. "This," she said, mimicking the gesture you had just made towards the room. "This is never what I imagined love would be. Waking up in your arms, late evening breakfasts and blueberry pancakes. The long nights spent talking and laughing and just enjoying each other's company.
"This," she said again. "Is never what I imagined. But I love this, and I love you, B. Nights like tonight don't change that. If anything, they're kind of my favorite, especially when I end up wrapped in your arms and binge watching Grey's Anatomy for the 812th time. I love you."
When Perrie smiled up at you, all you wanted to do was pull her in for a kiss, but Perrie was quick to beat you to the punch, and when you pulled away you whispered "I love you too" before you both dosed off to Grey's theme song.
