Drowning

Forty Five;

Spending so many of my years wishing to be dead, suddenly felt so far from where I stood; so nonsensical and lawless; life was truly a stunning thing to witness, and to watch new life enter, yet do so with such intricacy and risk, put into perspective just how delicate the human experience could be.

Still, the blood made it all a little less gorgeous. As did the issue with Daniel.

"Feeling okay, Sam?" I ask, watching as my sister laid in her hospital bed, baby sleeping on her chest.

"Exhausted," she sighs. "When are mum and dad coming?"

"I don't know," I say. "They said they'd be here before visiting hours ended."

"Okay," she nods. "Is Harry still here?"

"No," I say. "He left a while ago."

Salma had been asleep for the last hour or so, since Daniel left. She didn't kick him out angrily, or argue. He went in and he met their baby. Salma calmly told him to leave after the fact. She still had no true knowledge of the extent of his not being by her side during the birth, but she didn't need it. Not right now. She said Maya was all she needed, and him not being there when Maya arrived, to her, was the final straw. I wasn't certain she'd stay away from him, but for now, she was much better off without him.

"Would you like to hold her?" Salma asks me, stroking the thick, dark hair of baby Maya. I nod my head and stand, carefully treading over to where they laid. Slowly, I took Maya into my arms; her tiny little body so warm and snuggly.

"It's crazy how much joy such a small human can make you feel," I say quietly, smiling down at the pretty baby in my arms.

"Isn't it?" Salma smiles. "Thanks for being here, it means so much, Zee."

"Thank you for letting me," I say.

A few minutes passed by; Maya sleeping peacefully in my arms whilst Salma rested her eyes for some moments. Interrupting the serenity, though, my parents entered the private room, guided by a midwife who came and went after doing some minor checks on Salma and the baby.

"She is so lovely, Salma. Gosh, I'm just so proud!" my mother gushes, stroking Maya's cheeks as she held her.

"She look like you." dad says, his thick voice just as blunt as usual; no softness entering his tone despite the scenario. He didn't mean to speak so gruff, it was just his voice. "She look like baby Elvis. Just like you two as baby."

"Gee, thanks, dad." Salma chuckles, rolling her eyes.

"She's wonderful." our mum coos. "Is Daniel on an errand run?"

"Oh, uh-" Salma begins.

"Yes." I say, interrupting. Salma gives me a look as if to say 'don't pity me'. I shrug.

"No. They should know." Salma begins. "He left. He didn't want to see the birth of his baby. Harry dragged him here to meet Maya. I gracefully allowed for that and nothing more. I don't know where he is now. Probably drinking at some bar. Maya and I are much happier this way," Salma explains, her voice so calm and concise that it seemed worlds away from the woman she was even hours prior.

"Okay." is all my mother says, her voice delicate and careful.

"You better off. He such a... yucky man." my dad says disgustedly. Salma and I couldn't help but snicker.

"That's for sure," I chuckle.

For the first time in a long time, or perhaps maybe ever, we felt like a family. A normal, functioning family. It was obviously due to the presence of the new addition but, functional, nonetheless. I'd spent years pushing away fantasies of moments such as this, but right now, I allowed myself to be enriched by the neutrality and ease. Because for the first time, being with them all, felt organic.