Drowning

Forty Eight;

The time had finally arrived. It was time for my first match back.

I had only completed 12 sessions since returning and whilst, yes, that sounded a lot- in reality, it wasn't. Or, the timeframe wasn't big. See; in training, I couldn't just train once per day. At first, when building back up again, it was a couple of times a week. But after the first few initial sessions, I was back to two sessions per day, and leading up to it, three. Then, the week of the fight, I only trained once, to prevent injury.

"You're gonna be fine, baby." Zahara assures me, fiddling with my fingers as she sat beside me on the bench of the changing room. I nod my head, leg bobbing anxiously. "I'm right here. Security are everywhere. You're gonna be fine."

"Yeah, I know." I nod, my leg still shaking and eyes fixated on the ground. I began biting the nails of the hand Zahara wasn't fiddling with. I could sense that she, too, was nervous- the fiddling alone gave it away.

"Y'alright, Haz?" Bill asks me, wandering back into the room. He had gone to phone his wife, to say goodnight to the kids.

"Feeling sick," I admit, chewing on my tongue to distract myself.

"Gonna throw up now or in the ring?" Bill jokes.

"Hopefully neither," I groan.

"So, this guy's nice?" Zahara asks, changing the subject from my potential vomiting.

"Outside the ring, yeah." I say. "Dunno about in the ring, though. Guess we'll see." I sigh.

"He's a good lad for your first fight back." Bill says, giving me a reassuring wink. "10 minutes and you're on, big boy."

"Fuck," I exhale shakily, looking at Zahara, who was looking at me with concern.

"You don't have to do this if it's too hard for you right now," she says to me softly.

"I do," I sigh. "'If not now, when?'" I quote.

"Gemma's here. Luke's here. Lauren's here. Tom and Ben. We're all here to cheer you on, no matter what happens. And remember; cut yourself some slack. You were in a coma a couple of months ago. Your opponent was not." Zahara says to me, giving my cheek a quick kiss.

"Right, little lady. I'll tell Rex to take ya to the seats." Bill says to Zahara. Rex was one of the many security guards ordered for me. "Gotta get us fella sorted."

"Okay," Zahara nods, giving me a soft smile.

"I'll look out for you all in the crowd," I tell her.

And moments later, she was gone. I felt my nerves increase the second she left my side. My brain was telling me, 'what if that's the last time you get to see her wave goodbye?', as though James was going to murder me in the ring. Therapy was helping, but sometimes things could trigger me slightly.

"Feelin' good?" Bill asks.

"Just dandy," I say, giving him an obviously forced smile.

"Nice to have ya sister in the crowd, eh?" he says, attempting to distract my mind from my feeling of impending doom.

"Yeah, nice of her to show." I nod.

It really was. She didn't have to be here. Getting to places like this wasn't easy for her, since it wasn't just around the corner. But she wanted to be here to support me in my first show back, and to check up on her baby brother, I think. Her seat was beside Zahara's, at the front. Luke, Lauren, Tom and Ben, who were also here for moral support, were a couple of rows back, apparently.

"Right, Haz." Bill says, clapping his hands together and exhaling deeply. "Go make me proud," he says.

"I'll try my best, Bill." I nod.