Drowning

Sixty Two;

"So, let me get this straight; you guys hardly said a word to each other all day, and not at all in months, but the moment you're back in her room you fuck her?" Luke says, trying to piece together the information I had given him.

"It's bad, I know." I sigh, pulling some fresh pillowcases onto my pillows.

It had felt odd, initially, being back here. I thought it'd feel contaminated with my past, but it didn't. It felt comforting and homely. Maybe I was just glad to be in my own space again.

"Isn't that just gonna mess with both of your heads, though?" Luke asks. "Like, are you even getting back together?"

"I know. I don't know." I sigh.

"This isn't stressing you out too much, is it?" Luke suddenly panics. "Like, you stressing isn't detrimental, is it? I don't know how to make everything as stress-free as possible-"

"Dude," I chuckle. "I'm not immune to the real world. This is real life stuff." I say. "I can handle things now, I promise."

"Alright," Luke says, though he sounded, and looked, unsure.

"You still up to crashing here tonight?"

"Of course," Luke smiles. "Feels so good to have you back, man."

"It feels good." I nod. And I meant it.

Luke and I spent the rest of the night doing as we used to; movies, chatting shit, eating. Being back here, doing nothing with Luke, felt like heaven on earth. I'd missed just hanging with him. I never wanted to be away again. I'd dealt with the hate I had for myself for hurting everybody, but this didn't mean that it still didn't suck missing out on time with the ones I loved. Still, I was here now.

-

Some one-on-one time with my sister was absolutely long overdue. So, we decided to go for an elaborate brunch in the heart of London.

Except, doing that, meant that paps would be around.

"You okay?" Gemma asks me, once we had finally been seated.

"Yeah, fine." I nod, though I could feel the nerves lingering. "Was always gonna be hard." I say.

"We can go back to yours, if you want-"

"No." I say firmly. "I'm staying. I'm not gonna be defeated by some intrusive paps on my first outing back in the real world," I chuckle.

"Okay." she nods.

"Stop worrying," I say.

"They can just be so cruel." she sighs, shaking her head.

"Yeah, well. That's the trick of the trade, I'm afraid."

The paparazzi had shouted various things to me; calling me a 'druggie', a 'lowlife', etcetera. Just trying to get a rise out of me. They didn't; I was above that now. Or, for now, anyway. I didn't need to entertain them. They were the lowlives.

"I'm thinking of having the berry pancakes," Gemma says, scanning the menu.

"I'm thinking the same," I say. "With a side of bacon." I add. I hadn't had good food in so long. "And maybe some hash-browns, too."

"Sounds good," Gemma chuckles.

A waiter came and took our orders, including our drink orders. I'd gone for a flat white, Gemma a chai latte.

"Update me on the life of Gem, then." I say, giving her a smile.

"There's not much to say," she chuckles. "Work, work, work."