Drowning

Fifty One;

I had spent the past few weeks living somewhat anxiously. Seeing Mike, seeing Luke and Harry beat him, then myself tormenting him, had caused the previous images to resurface. I didn't feel horrendous, but I didn't feel my finest, either. In fact, I'd felt a little off just generally, which was odd for me since the weather had started to improve. Usually, when spring came around, I felt vibrant and good. Instead, I felt, well, bad. I hated that Mike had the power to do that to me, even still. I hated him.

"I'm nervous," Harry whines, looking at me with puppy eyes.

"What for?" I chuckle, fluffing the cushions on his sofa.

"I don't know if I'm all that good with babies." he pouts, grabbing my hand and fiddling with my fingers.

"You'll be perfect." I assure him.

Today, Harry and I were going to be babysitting Maya. Salma had an appointment regarding the divorce. It was all still very early days and would take a while, but she couldn't exactly bring Maya along with her to this. I told her that Harry and I would watch her, as I felt I'd spent enough time with Maya now to understand some of her cues.

Before Harry could mildly protest any further, there was a knock at the door.

"You'll be fine." I say to Harry, who had become increasingly visibly nervous the moment the knock was heard.

Walking towards the door, I opened it to see my sister standing there, carrying Maya in her car seat.

"Hey," I smile, opening up the door wider for Salma to step in.

"Thank you so much for doing this, Zee." Salma sighs, placing the car seat down onto the floor. Maya was sleeping.

"Anytime, Sam, you know that." I tell her.

"Hi, Harry!" Salma says, noticing his nervous demeanour. "She won't bite. Promise."

"No, but she will scream. Won't she? She doesn't seem to like me all that much-"

"Harry, stop; she loves you!" Salma says to him. "She's just sceptical because she's not all that used to men," she shrugs.

"Hm," Harry huffs, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at the sleeping baby. "She looks like she might wake up soon. Will she?" he asks.

"So what if she does?" I laugh.

"She'll probably wake to be fed in around half an hour, or so. Here's the bag of essentials; two bottles of milk, plenty of nappies, muslins, change of clothes, etcetera. Everything is in there." Salma says. "Right; I need to go. I'm running late. Thanks so much again, guys. And luckily, the anxiety about this appointment is outweighing the anxiety of leaving my daughter with Harry! So that's great." Salma teases, giving Harry a small wink before heading back towards the door.

"I hope it all goes okay, Sam. I promise I won't let horrible uncle Harry scare her too much." I joke.

"Ha. Okay, got to go. See you both!" Salma giggles, before turning away and closing the door.

The apartment was silent as we both just stared at the small girl sleeping so peacefully in her car seat.

"Are we allowed to leave the room?" Harry asks me, completely clueless.

"Yes, Harry." I chuckle. "Salma has text me a huge list of things to remember. Such as tips and tricks, nap times, that kind of thing. We're going to be fine."

"Who are you trying to convince, baby?" Harry teases.

In all honesty, I had felt somewhat nervous about this, just due to the fact that if something, somehow, went wrong, I would never forgive myself and Salma would never forgive me. Even if it was something small and simple, I didn't want to give Salma any reason not to trust me with my niece.