Finding my own way

x 2

May 31,2015

I looked at her as if she had three heads. A 16 year old should have to go through this. All this things came in to my head like why the fuck does my dad want to have sex with me? How came my own mother even let this happen? Why would she be ok with this? I plead the mother fucking 5th and the 8th.

'' WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? HOW CAN YOU LET YOU FUCKING HUSBAND, MY DAD EVEN MAKE YOU THING OF AN IDEA LIKE THAT?!''

''I don't know who in the hell you think you're talking to like at but you need to do it end of story'' she said to me. It didn't even look like she cared about the whole thing.

''well I'm not doing it'' I said to her. She looked at me and slapped me in the face. She stood over me while walking away back to her room where my so called father was. I got back up and sat on my bed, then my door bust open and the face i never wanted to see..... my father. He came in my room and close the door behind him and locked it. I moved back on my bed by the window and tried to get away from him. I was about to jump then he grabbed my foot and pulled me back in. He ran to the window and shut it and locked it. He came on to my bed and got on top of my me. This wasn't going to happen without a fight, I thought to myself. He punched me in the face and held my hands above my head. I was kicking and screaming but that didn't work. Then I thought of an idea, I bit the hell out of him. He screamed then punched me again. I grew tired and just stopped because I knew at the end of the day this was still going to happen. He ripped open my shirt and and took off my pants. The look in his eyes scared the hell out of me all you saw was lust and dark. He was wasn't my father anymore.

''ima make you scream daddy.'' he harshly said in my ear.I didn't say nothing all I did was cry. He stuck his ''friend'' in me and it hurt like a bitch. He was grunting and moaning and I cried all night when he got done he kissed me on the lips and walked out the room like nothing happened. I sat there rocking back and forth in my bed. There was blood everywhere, my legs hurt and I just felt dirty. I tried to get up but the pain was unbearable. That one step I fell down on the floor. I got back up and limped to my bathroom in my room. I turned on the shower and sat down and scrubbed myself until I saw nothing there, I sat there letting the hot water fall on me. I got out and put on my face mask and my pj set while my hair stayed in its natural curly state. I washed my face and looked at myself in the mirror and just broke down crying, I shouldn't be going through this at my age.

I walked back to my bed and changed the sheets. I grabbed the bloody ones and walked the kitchen where my mother sat in. I walked around her and throw them away.

''stop and sit down I want to talk to you.'' she said to me. I turned around and looked at her with discuss. Her face lit up when I looked at her and sat down.

''so..... I wan to know...... how was you first time?....."

I looked at her and started laughing. She can't be series right now right? How she gonna ask me 'how was my first time' when this bitch let the that sorry for an excuse of a man rape me?

''I hate you. You shouldn't even have the right to be called a mother. You're and sorry an excuse of a mother and you know what...... I bow down to you as the devil.'' I harshly and coldly said to her.

I got up and walked away from her while she process what I just said to her. I shut my door and locked it and put one of my chairs against the door. I got in the bed and went to sleep. Hopefully thing will be better in the morning.