The Beast of Fox Hill

Forty Nine

I found myself isolating from everyone not just for a few days, but weeks into months. Before I knew it, the holidays had come and gone and the new year had begun. I had gone an extended period of time without Cassander before my time alone, and it was becoming easier to ignore the cravings for him. 

I didn't completely block everyone out and of course I had people checking in on me, mostly Booker and Axel. I began spending much more time with my mom and her girlfriend and part of me even considered moving closer to them. Liam had been distant because of some issues with his kingdom and other vampires, but it honestly added an extra welcomed silence.

 It was not that Cassander was a bad person by any means, but I did begin to rethink the relationship and what meeting the werewolves had brought me. My mother and I both had our lives threatened and were most likely still in danger. That was something I could not overlook, and I started thinking perhaps I wasn't okay with being surrounded by the world of the supernatural. 

It was a fantastical world, but an extremely dangerous one. Being someone who never took risks and avoided any and all danger, this new life of mine wasn't welcomed. 

I questioned if I was overthinking everything, mostly because of the pull to be with Cassander, but I quickly realized there was no way to overthink the situation I was in. I was in danger because I met Cassander and all the supernatural creatures that followed. 

Of course there were the good ones who would and already had been willing to lay their lives down for me, but that made me even more uncomfortable. These people, werewolves and vampires, most who had never met me in person, were willing to protect me and that made me uncomfortable. 

Since the situation with the vampire in the cemetery, Cassander brought his family all back home and added security. I understood his thought process, thinking now that we knew who and what the threat was that they'd all be safe, but something wasn't right. My instincts told me this wasn't the end of it. The vampire admitted he didn't kill Cassander's parents, but that left a huge plot hole; who did kill them?

Truth of it was I didn't feel completely safe with the werewolves or vampires. Honestly, I felt safer with the vampires than the wolves. There had been a double homicide on Cassander's own land, how was I supposed to feel safe when not even Cassander's own parents, wolves themselves, were? I was a human, the weakest of the humanoid creatures. 

How could a former alpha wolf and his mate be killed on Cassander's watch and then he promise my safety? I didn't doubt Cassander would give his life to protect me, but there was gaps in that plan. We weren't always together, and he had an entire pack of werewolves to oversee and protect as well. I doubted I was the number one thing or person on his mind at all times. The only conclusion to draw was simple; Cassander couldn't offer complete protection. 

Drowning my thoughts in books and my own writing was the best escape I had other than spending time with my mother. I wouldn't say I was avoiding my werewolf mate, but it definitely didn't help that he also seemed to avoid me. 

When we were together, which wasn't as often as one would think a werewolf and his mate would be, we did kiss and hold hands, but intimacy was the last things on our minds. Though the sparks filled our bodies and they called out for each other, we pulled the reins and controlled those desires. 

I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit hurt that Cassander didn't act upon his desires more. I wondered if there were a chance he didn't truly desire me, that it was all a scheme from their Moon Goddess to get us to reproduce or something. I hated to admit it, but I began to regret 'mating' with Cassander so soon. 

I didn't regret it entirely, because part of me really did love him, but the whole bond thing seemed a bit one sided to me. As the werewolf in the relationship, he could feel my emotions, sense my moods and read and talk through my mind. Though we could both communicate with their mind thing, it had to be initiated by him. I couldn't just think in my head that I wanted to talk to him, he had to reach out. It was like he could send his and receive my messages, but I myself could not. 

It all seemed so unfair in a way. 

Then there was him avoiding me, even avoiding physical contact at times. It was not what I had expected my love life to be like, that's for sure. It left me stuck in some mystical relationship that I was questioning my position in, and that did not leave much room for happiness. 

I always wondered why me? Why was I the one mated to a werewolf? Why wasn't I a normal human? There was nothing supernatural or specifically special about me. I was a human tossed into a world I didn't belong. 

A knock came to the door and it pulled me out of the depths of my thoughts. I stood from the couch where I was sitting and placed my bookmark into the pages before I tossed my book onto the couch. I made my way over to the door and opened it up to reveal the familiar face of Axel, a cocky looking smile on his lips. 

"Hey Axel," I say with a light smile towards my best friend as I stepped aside to allow him in. 

"What's up, Princess? Still moping around like you have been for months?" he asked with a chuckle. 

"I'm not moping. I'm just reassessing my life for a while," I respond. Axel kicks his shoes off at the door and goes straight for the couch. Before flopping onto the couch, he grabs my book and examines it. 

"Really? Because last time I checked self isolation with books was signs of moping," he shrugs. I give him and eye roll and toss his legs off my spot on the couch before grabbing my book away from him and setting it onto the coffee table. 

"Did you come here just to judge and pick on me or did you actually want a pleasant visit?" I say with a raised eyebrow. 

"Pleasant? I thought I was always pleasant?" 

"No. No you're not." 

"I'm hurt. Really hurt, Jazzy," Axel says, placing a hand on his chest and faking his emotional hurt. 

"If I wanted to hurt you it would've hurt a lot worse," I say with a chuckle. 

"Says the teenie little human," a cocky smile appears on his face once more. 

"Hey, you know some humans are sensitive to werewolves bullying their size and strength!" I exclaim before grabbing the couch pillow from behind my body and throwing it at Axel's face. As I expected, he snatched it out of the air and gave me a raised eyebrow. 

"With the strength of that attack, I somehow believe you," he says sarcastically. "Come on, Jasper. You can't stay cooped up here or at your mom's for the rest of your existence," he becomes serious. I throw my head back and huff in frustration. This was far from the first time I'd heard this speech. 

"Ax I don't want to go out or visit anyone. I just want to stay in my safe, tiny little home and be alone and drown myself in books and tea," I whine. 

"Oh I'm very aware of that. Can't we just go out somewhere? You need to get out of the house. Don't you want to go shopping or something? We could have a girls' day, me and you. We could go to get coffee and shop and even get dinner together," he offers.

"You know you're a male right? And that it takes at least two females to have a girls' day?" 

"I was blissfully unaware until you mentioned it." 

"Of course you were," I roll my eyes at his sarcasm. 

"Please! I need to go get some new clothes anyway and I can't pick anything without you," he says with a whine. 

"My mom put you up to this didn't she?" 

A moment of silence proves my theory to be correct. 

"That's what I thought," I say with a single nod. 

"She's just worried about you! She even gave me a gift card so I could take you to your favorite restaurant," he says with a wiggle of his eyebrows. 

"That really good steakhouse by the shops?" 

"Of course," a hopeful smile comes to his face. "What do you say?" 

"Fine. We can go. I just need to get changed and ready," I sigh. 

"How long will that take?" 

"I'm a girl, who the fuck knows," I stand and give him a shrug. 

"Fine, but I'm raiding your refrigerator and watching TV while I wait!" he calls after me as I walk down the hall towards my bedroom, a smile on my face as I shake my head.