The next few days were a blur, I couldn't pay attention to anything my teachers were teaching me. My mind wandered during dinner. I couldn't think about anything else but her.
So much so, it was making Calum angry.
"Mike," he stopped talking for a moment to move so that he was in my trail of vision. I snapped back into reality, blinking hard for a second. "Michael, what is up with you today? Did you hear anything I even said?" he questioned, a reprimanding tone in his voice.
I shook my head, trying to comprehend what he had just asked me. My brain was spinning. I was daydreaming again.
I was daydreaming about her. About how simple it would have been to have known her back when it would've been easy, with no drama or parties to make her cry. For just her and me, to be kids again, in the start of love. Easy, no pressure. It was too good to imagine.
"No, sorry, Cal." I tried to say without stammering. After the party, and the humiliation Addie had faced with Lucy, I couldn't think about anything besides her. I wondered how she was doing, and if she was okay.
She hadn't been at the school the past couple of days, and I was extremely worried.
I felt guilty as fuck, thinking this was all my fault; I laid my head in my hands.
"It's all my fault," I whispered to myself. If I hadn't of gone after Addie, then Lucy wouldn't have been this pissed, and everything would've been fine.
But I ruin everything don't I?
But I bombarded our difference in the name of love, right? So, that makes things better, right?
But I didn't even know if Addie did still love me, and everything was just so topsy-turvy, and I didn't enjoy this feeling.
I never liked knowing what ground I stood on, and maybe that's why I left Lucy. She was constantly fooling around with other boys and wreaking havoc, I was always on edge, wondering the next thing on her list.
I guess that's kind of why I went of after Addie, because I thought I knew what I was going to get. She seemed square, and predictable and I wasn't used to that. All the girls I had been with were edgy and dark and crazy, and Addie was nothing like that.
It turns out, she kind of was, but at the same time she was innocent and sweet, and it made me want her even more, and I don't why I let myself lose her.
She was probably sitting at home, blaming me for what had happened to her, (long story short, Lucy had pulled an elaborate prank that caused the whole school to call her a slut. Lucy had gotten the jocks to make it look like she had slept with the whole team.)
She either was blaming me, which I was fine with, or herself, which I had a huge problem with.
I loved Addie, and I never realized before we started going out that she didn't love herself.
She never really gave off the feeling of pure self-hatred, it was just something you knew she had once you got to know her.
It makes me feel even worse.
"Michael!" Calum screamed, almost flipping my coffee table as he stood up in front of me. I jumped back at the boom of his voice.
"Yes?" I ask, awkwardly scratching my neck.
"Were you listening to anything I was saying?" he demanded, with his arms crossed over his chest, his tattoos bared, the veins pulsing in his neck, and the lock of his jaw, he seemed kind of intimidating. He almost looked scary.
But then I remembered his inability to grow facial hair and I almost laughed.
"No, I'm sorry, Calum, could you repeat that?" I questioned, trying to fein interest. When really, all I could think about was her.
Calum started on again about whatever bullshit he was spewing, the only words I caught were "Hailey, girlfriend and date."
But by the time he was finished what he was saying, my mid had wondered off again.
What if she wasn't alone? What if, after months of growing tired of putting up with my relentless shit, she found someone else?
What if, at this very moment, Luke, my best friend was sitting there, his hands on my girlfriend's body, and his lips on her mouth, while I wasn't there?
The wondering wasn't bearable, and I got up from Calum's couch to grab my coat and shoes, ignoring his shouts of, "Hey, man, where you going?"
I got into my car and raced all the way to her house.
I knocked on the door, the anticipation to see her face was too great.
I knocked again until I heard footsteps running down the stairs and her family dog barking protectively at the door.
"Yes?" Addie asked as she showed up at the door without a smile on her face.
I frowned. She looked dull. Her hair was messy, and her sweater hung loosely off her shoulders.
"Can I come in?" I tried to smile politely.
It felt weird.
"Sure." she shrugged, and I walked past her to sit on her couch.
She sat down beside me.
I reached for her hand.
My heart dropped as she pulled away.
fucK SEE THIS IS THE PLOT TWIST I WAS TALKING ABOUT OH MY GOD
PLEASE DON'T HATE ME
BUT BASICALLY, IF YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND (because I didn't describe it too clearly,) IS MICHAEL AND ADDIE AND CALUM AND LUKE AND ASHTON AND EVERYONE ELSE IS STILL IN 12TH GRADE
MICHAEL IS IMAGINING WHAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE TO KNOW ADDIE AT SUCH AN EARLY TIME IN HIS LIFE
THE REASON MICHAEL IN HIS DAYDREAM IS FOURTEEN AND SHE WAS THRITEEN IS BECAUSE MICHAEL REALLY IS OLDER THAN ADDIE AND HIS FRIENDS. HE HAD TO REDO HIS GRADE 12 BECAUSE HE SKIPPED SO MUCH CLASS AND DIDNT GET THE CREDITS. HE'S A 19 YEAR OLD IN GRADE 12.
I REALLY HOPE YOU GUYS DONT HATE ME FOR MAKING THIS PLOT TWIST, ESPECIALLY IF WERE REALLY ENJYING HOW HER ORIGINALLY STARTED.
BUT I JUST FEEL THAT THIS PLOT TWIST MAKES EVERYTHING SEEM MAKE MORE SENSE BECAUSE YOU ARENT GOING INTO COLLEGE IN ONE BOOK AND THEN IN THE SECOND YOU'RE BARELY A TEENAGER
AND BESIDES, HALF Y'ALL WERE HATIN ON ME TO START WRITING IN THE PRESENT-TENSE SO NOW I AM
im so nervous to post this omg
(really long authors note fuck)
ily
