Can I Have That in Writing?

Emily: So There I Was

It was only about a week into school, and I was already being recruited for a club. Well, at least it wasn't for sports.

And it was Riley who had asked me.

"You know, I'm sure you heard from your sister, but... we are starting a writing club. Well, not just me and her. Our friends Vera and Sebastian too! And we were wondering... if you'd like to come to our meeting?"

I fumbled a bit asking for the details, but Riley managed to understand. Mr. Sage's room, right after school, every other Thursday. I told her I would think about it. I mean, what else was I supposed to say?

With the exception of Sebastian, I couldn't guarantee there were going to be any boys in a writing club. That was the whole point of my father sending me to a co-ed school, after all. I wasn't sure if I'd be comfortable surrounded by mostly girls.

And even if I was, other people would be viewing my writing. Opening myself up to complete strangers? That was a firm no.

Thank goodness she didn't say anything the next day. At least she wasn't pushy. It was nerve-wracking to worry about it all throughout geometry. But once that class was over, the relief? It was so nice.

The dread set back in, however, on Wednesday night.

Allison drove me home, as she usually did when she didn't have softball practice. We did some homework in the living room. Eventually, my sister spoke.

"So... that writing club I'm starting meets tomorrow."

I nodded. Allison waited for a further response, but I wasn't planning on giving one.

She tried to coax more out of me. "Are you opposed to going?"

I shook my head. "It sounds good. I just... I don't know anyone except you."

"Well, maybe you can get to know some new people."

"Like who?"

"Like Vera or Sebastian... or Riley."

I stiffened. "Did she ask you to talk to me?"

"All she told me is that you guys are in homeroom together, and she invited you to club. Nothing else. Out of curiosity... what do you think of her?"

I put my pencil down and stared at the ceiling. "She's okay," I said. "I mean, she's clumsy and loud, but... she's nice to me. She's always trying to help me or joke around, and it makes me feel at ease. Like I can just... be."

I looked back to Allison, who didn't say anything in response. She just grinned. 

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing, it's just... it seems like you finally find someone you can be yourself around. Someone you want to be friends with."

Her smile faded, though, as she continued. "But... if you really want to, you know you have to open up to her eventually. You have to take that leap."

She was just trying to help, trying to be a good big sister. I knew that. Yet I found myself growing irritated.

I lowered my voice. "You know I can't do that."

"You can. You're just afraid."

Now I was pissed. She acted like I was choosing to be scared.

My voice rose to a shout. "My own father doesn't accept me for who I am! What makes you think someone who's practically a stranger will?!"

Allison was taken aback by my anger. But she allowed me a moment before answering, "Because Riley isn't our father. She accepts people for who they are, as long as they're a good person... and they don't pretend to be someone else."