Can I Have That in Writing?

Emily: Heartbeat

I had never listened to any music outside of country or the occasional pop song. My parents listened to those, along with a little bit of classic rock, and that was it. Yet here I was, venturing beyond that for the first time.

After completing my homework on Friday night, I headed up to my room. I placed Riley's list next to my laptop. I searched the various songs on YouTube and played them on a low volume.

U2 sounded the most familiar to me. I'd probably heard them when my father played some classic rock. The rest of the artists were new. They were certainly intense- the pounding drums, the shredding guitars. Yet the lyrics were thoughtfully crafted and full of emotion. And the singers... their voices were full, rich. It was like they had a life of their own.

I think I understood Riley a little better. She liked music that either told a story or conveyed feelings. But she also needed a tempo, an energy, a vitality that matched her own.

I smiled and leaned back, head crashing into the pillow on my bed. Maybe she would like the songs I recommended. They may not have been as "epic", but they did convey emotion and tell stories. Picturing her tapping her hand and nodding along to Shania or Dan + Shay made me giddy.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door. "Em?"

Allison. I got up and opened the door. "What's up?"

My sister smiled. "Is that... are you listening to Foo Fighters right now?"

I looked down, blushing fiercely. "Riley recommended them."

"Oh... awesome! Yeah, she really likes them."

She leaned in my doorway and laughed. "Sorry, didn't mean to sound so... it's just surprising. But hey, I'm glad you're branching out. Trying new things."

"Yeah... I am too."

My voice softened and trailed off. I mean, I was glad. But the only reason I even bothered was because Riley had asked me. Because she was the only person other than my sister who I could relax completely around.

Right now, she was the only person I trusted to still stay by my side if she learned the truth.

***

Sunday came, which meant that my family had to go to church. My father was responsible for giving the Sunday sermon. I slipped on a green velvet dress and black dress shoes. Even Allison wore a light dress and a sweater. Her expression indicated that she hated every minute of it.

You might be wondering how I could stand to be in church after my father told me I was going to hell for existing. The truth is that I couldn't. Every Sunday since the incident was a day I had to ignore my wild heartbeat, the tightness in my chest, and just stay breathing.

Besides, I loved hearing my father speak. I loved my father period, and I loved God. Even if they didn't love me back.

Allison and I sat in the front pew with our mother. We listened intently to the readings, and spoke or sang when prompted.

Then it was time for my father to read the gospel and follow it with his sermon. Allison must have gotten her oratory skills from our father. His voice was clear, and it filled the entire space, echoing. I smiled as I listened. I remembered being a little kid, bouncing on my mother's knee with excitement when Daddy was on stage.

Although I still admired his abilities, my feelings of excitement had grown into feelings of dread. Especially when the gospel today was that of Abraham and Isaac, a father who almost killed his child because God had asked.

"Sometimes God asks the impossible," my father said. "I'm a father myself, and I'd never have it in me to do what Abraham did. That being said..."

I felt his gaze meeting mine. "God isn't trying to make you suffer for the sake of it. He's trying to test you. If you endure, you will emerge stronger and more worthy of heaven than ever."