Can I Have That in Writing?

Emily: Was Any of it Real?

"It's not always easy."

Noah's words stuck with me ever since he uttered them.

"Before I met Seth, I was my parents' golden child. I was good at school, but I was also good at making friends. I never could have imagined being anything other than straight. Meeting Seth, spending time together... well, everything changed. I wanted to be with him in a romantic way. I knew I still liked girls, though, so I did some Googling. Bisexual didn't feel quite right, but pansexual did."

"I tried to keep it hidden as long as possible. But eventually, holding the secret in got to be too much. I came out to my parents. As far as they know, I'm bisexual, because I don't think they'll understand pansexuality."

His voice quieted. "Things weren't always so good with my dad. He and my mom kept trying to convince me that it was a phase. That the only way I could continue our family's legacy was to ignore the part of me that liked guys and marry a woman. But with time and education, they both came around."

"As for the rest of my family, I told them, but they kind of just ignore it. Seth is my closest friend, nothing more. I guess it's better than having them outright hate me, but still... I feel like I can't ever truly belong with them anymore."

I listened intensely. When he was done, I waited a moment before asking what I needed to.

"So how come... you can still do it? Hold hands with Seth in front of people who don't accept you, being president of the LGBT Alliance.... how can you be proud of who you are?"

Noah laughed softly. "It's not always easy, but I have to be. Because I know I'm not the only one. There are people like me... like you... who are feeling scared and alone. And I have to show them that it gets better. Besides..."

He gestured to his brother and sister, who were tearing the wrapping paper on a present. "I need to set an example. They can learn from my parents how to be proud of being Puerto Rican. But being proud of their whole selves, even the parts that our family wouldn't approve of- that's something only I can teach them."

It was at that moment that I realized just how wrong I was. I was wrong about Noah. He wasn't without a care in the world; he was hurt. He just channeled that hurt by helping others who were struggling. By helping me.

That must have been how it was for Riley, too.

Riley... I was in her arms, and I didn't want her to let go. But I couldn't stay in that safe place for long. I had to come back and apologize for hurting Noah's feelings.

The words stuck in my throat for a moment. I swallowed, and then I forced them out.

"Can you forgive me? For the things I said?"

Noah's tentative expression gave way to a smile. "Of course I can," he said.

I followed his eyes, which moved towards Riley. She was talking to Seth as if I didn't just have a mental breakdown five minutes ago. As if she didn't come out to me.

It was still hard to believe. I had convinced myself that if she ended up liking girls, too, then it was my fault. But she said that she had a crush on a girl last year. She was like this before she met me. That fact brought me relief.

And yet... what if I made her worse? What if she fell in love with me?

Like I... had fallen in love with her?

Riley turned towards me. Our eyes met for just a moment. I quickly turned my head away, blushing.

When did it happen? At Mini golf? At the pep rally? Even before that? I had no idea. All I knew was that at this moment, I was in love with Riley Turner.