Can I Have That in Writing?

Riley: Hurt

Everything happened just as Vera said it would. I berated myself all week. Why didn't I listen? Why couldn't I just open my mouth and say the words myself?

Gee, maybe because the first time you were alone together since that conversation, Emily was having a breakdown? And that was not the time to then drop the truth bomb of "Hey by the way, I'm only interacting with you so much because your sister told me to"?

Wow. For once, the voice in my head was making a solid point.

So now Emily was mad at me. Good. She should be. But I couldn't just walk away. There was one promise I still intended to keep, to Emily and myself- the promise to be stay by her side.

Mind you, I didn't explicitly say the words "I promise." I didn't say them to Allison, either. But I when I say that I'll do something, I commit to it. And I committed to being there for Emily. To reminding her that she was a good person.

The only problem was that she didn't want me to be there anymore.

Writing club that week was literal torture. And I know, as a writer, that I shouldn't throw around the word "literal" lightly. But as someone who wanted to help, doing nothing was painful.

As soon as I gave out the day's prompt, I made my way to other desks. To Vera, to Matt, to Jacob. I even stopped by Rose's desk before Emily's.

She didn't look up at me. Not that I expected her too, of course. I pushed through my dread and initiated.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey."

I was surprised she offered that much. I cleared my throat. "You, uh... need any help?"

Emily shook her head. I waited to see if she would elaborate, but she didn't. I sighed.

"Okay, well... if you need anything, you know where to find me."

Should I say something else? I thought. Apologize?

Nah, I think she got the message the first ten times...

Aaand the voice in my head was back to being a jerk.

It wasn't ten times.

I walked away, not saying anything else. I felt a pair of eyes on me, so I looked up. Allison was looking right at me. Lowering my head, I walked up to her at the front of the room and leaned my back against the white board. Most of the club members were speaking to each other. This must have gave Allison the impression that it was safe to speak, as long as she did so in a barely audible voice.

"She'll come around," she said.

I hesitated with my reply. "Maybe with you. At least she doesn't doubt that you love her."

Allison let out a hard laugh. "True, but at least you weren't essentially being selfish the whole time."

I forced myself to meet Allison's eyes and scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. Allison simply flashed a fake smile. "I'll give you the details later, but... yeah."

I nodded and left it at that. If I was honest, I still wasn't completely cool with Allison after that day in the cafeteria. But selfish? I guess she didn't consider my feelings or Emily's. Still, I had to believe that there were at least good intentions.

I pushed myself off the wall and headed to the bathroom. As I washed my hands, I felt someone appear behind me.

"I'm guessing you told her."

Vera. I turned around but couldn't meet her eyes. "Yep."

"And it went about as well as we thought it would."