Can I Have That in Writing?

Riley: Confession, Part 2

In the car, I kept feeling like I was going to throw up. It didn't help that my father continued to shout at me from the front seat.

"I can't believe I'm even having this conversation with you! You know it's one thing if someone else hits first. I'd be okay if you were defending yourself. You never throw the first punch, Riley! And don't try to use the excuse that a word was enough. If I punched every person who said something that made me mad, I'd be in jail!"

"Brian, please focus on the road," Mom said.

"When we get home, you're going straight to your room, understand?"

I nodded my head. Arguing would make it worse, and I wasn't about to come out to my parents in the middle of an argument. Then again, maybe doing it in the car would be safer. I could always open the door and run if things went south.

"Understand?"

Dad repeated himself while looking in the rearview. I forgot he couldn't see me nodding clearly from the back.

"Yes, I understand," I said hoarsely.

We were silent for a few moments. Mom spoke up.

"I know you were defending your friend. But like the principal said, you can defend her just as well without physically hurting someone."

"I don't get it," Dad said, shaking his head. "I don't get it..."

My chest was about to burst from holding the words back. But I just couldn't say them. Dad was right- it was an excuse.

We arrived home. Pancake leapt to his feet to greet me, but I couldn't look at him. I didn't deserve to see his cute face, his wagging tail. I went straight to my room as my father told me.

But before I opened the doors, I spoke.

"You said that you didn't get it. You didn't know why I did it. It's because... Emily's... she's not just a friend to me. I have a crush on her. I know, it's not an excuse. I just... that's what was going through my head."

I couldn't look at my parent's faces. They didn't say anything, so I closed the door before they could.

I laid down on my bed and covered my ears, expecting them to yell and argue. Surprisingly, I heard their voices at a normal volume. I was certain they were still talking about me, though. So I squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to fall asleep. It didn't work.

My phone wouldn't stop buzzing. Everyone in club was probably messaging me, but I couldn't bear to reply to any of them. All I could do was bury my face into my pillow.

About an hour or two later, there was a knock at my door. Dad's voice called for me.

Great.

I opened the door. The anger was gone from his eyes. If anything, he just looked awkward.

"Your mom's making dinner. But, um... I wanted to talk to you before that. Can I come in?"

I nodded tentatively. Dad sat at the foot of my bed, and I joined him. He took a deep breath and spoke.

"I met your mom in high school. It wasn't love at first sight or anything, but I did really like her. Eventually, we started dating, and I fell in love. One day, a senior started messing with her and saying these nasty things. I punched his lights out... scratch that, I beat the crap out of him, and his friends. I got expelled. I had to change schools. I barely passed high school. I didn't get into college, so I got a job that was kind of crappy to help support her... and eventually, you."

He turned to me. "My point is, even though my intentions were noble, I made a mistake that set me back for a long time. And it would kill me if you went through the same thing. So that's why I'm being so hard on you."