you're all i want | t.n, d.m

27

i recommend listening to All I want by Kodaline followed by Hold On by Chord Overstreet for a better experience whilst reading

CELESTE - November 2004

Parting ways with your first love is one of the greatest pain you can endure.

That's what I felt when Draco left; pain as I felt my chest caving in. Bitterness as I couldn't comprehend the reason to why he never came back. My head throbbed constantly. My heart hurt so much that all I wanted was for the pain to stop.

But seeing the love of your life, the only person you've ever pictured having a future with, the one who has managed to brighten up your dark days leave doesn't equal to the affliction Draco put on me.

When Theo left, the sky turned black. Stormy clouds flew above my head, thunder hit me each time I thought of him as I felt my heart being ripped apart into millions of pieces.

I knew I would never see the light again. I knew my world was now painted in black and white, because Theo was the only artist able to put colours into it.

Theo was sunshine on a cloudy day. He was warmth, comfort after spending a day in the cold. He was everything I needed, everything I ever wanted.

He was my best friend, my everything, until he became a stranger.

"Are you going to say anything?"

His voice. Gods, his voice.

It was one of the main aspects I prayed, wished upon the stars to never forget.

Seeing him now — five years after our last kiss hurts more than anything.

I gave up quickly. I gave up after a month. The first week, I looked at the starry sky every night, because I knew he was also watching the constellations, trying to name them and thinking about me.

The second week, when he didn't send any letter, I wrote to him. I poured my heartbreak into words only to find that Atlas burnt the letters down.

The third week, I tried to find him. I tried to search the world for Theo, and I didn't even know where to begin. I didn't have a single clue about his plans or his whereabouts. That week, I went to his parents' house and slept in his bed.

And the fourth week, I started to become numb to the feeling. Tears couldn't flow out anymore. My heart had been too shattered to possibly be fixed — ever. My head was too clouded to even think for a second that the sun would shine again.

And that fourth week, I gave up. And even if a small voice was resonating in the back of my head, even if my heart was still hopeful, my mind was just too blank.

"...Celeste."

My name rolls on the tip of his tongue perfectly. Like he's been repeating it to himself over and over again, in the hopes of saying it out loud to my face.

"Don't." I say in a whisper.

My back is turned to him, because I can't bare to look at him in the eyes. But I know his eyes are set on me.

"Say something." He pleads, his voice cracking, "Please."

I have to shut my eyes close to calm the pounding headache. I have to breathe in deeply to calm my rapid heartbeat. I have to swallow the lump in my throat to prevent myself from breaking down in front of him.

"Would you like some tea?"

Silence.

Theo doesn't respond, and that's when I give in. Turning around, I can feel my heart skip a beat as my gaze lands on his figure standing metres away from me.