I rolled over, my head being tickles by hair that wasn't mine. I opened my eyes to gorgeous green ones, they were tired, but you could see bliss in them. I didn't say anything, and neither did he, and I prayed he wouldn't for a while. I just want to lay with him and grasp this moment I have with him before he goes off to tour. Oh gosh, tour. As in traveling for three months, three months of not seeing this, three months of not feeling his hugs or his kiss or seeing his smile up close. No, I'm not depressing myself with that thought; I'm not even supposed to take this to the heart. I blinked back to reality, realizing Harry has been staring at me the whole time with a worried expression, "what's wrong?" His voice cracked, it was deep and husky, and so ... Morning voice. Fuck, this is hard.
I shook my head, "nothing. What do you have planned for the day?" I asked moving a piece of his curls out the way of his face.
My fingertips brushed his skin softly, and before I knew it, his big hand quickly grasped mine. I gasped slightly from sudden movement; I watched as he pulled my hand up to his mouth and pressed his lips on my knuckles. I felt my cheeks flush, "I'm spending the day with you." He said in a whisper, his hot breath on my hand.
My throat was tight; I couldn't react correctly to what was happening. My mind just wondered off to two year ago, when everything was going wrong for me. When I had this feeling before, when I began to become scared of who I was close to, and I became so naive, no one liked me. Two years ago, when I realized I had a crush on Jay, at least it started as a crush. I remember hanging out with him every day, and having him hold me or give me his jacket and I would think it was something beginning to happen. Something that'll be bigger than we ever were. Then came when he started telling me who he'd crush on, or who he thought was cute. That's when everything began to go downhill, I watched him date all these other girls who meant nothing to him because in the end he'll come back to me and recover before going back out there searching for another girl who won't do anything for him. Even after I told him how I felt he continued doing what he did; telling me about how he likes this girl and that girl, and every little cute thing they did. And I hoped, one day it'll be me, but deep down I knew I didn't want to be a girl he was with for a four month window and then he just leaves. Jay broke me over and over again, like Harry broke all those other girls’ hearts. Or so I heard he did, I wanted to ask Harry about his past relationships, and what hurt him and if he ever fell in love, but I don’t want to tell him my past.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” Harry said wrapping his arms around my waist easily pulling me toward him. I pressed my hands flat on his bare chest pushing away slightly, my lips in a thin line and my eyes filled with tears, oh fuck. “Bella.” His voice sounded hurt, I could just imagine his face, disappointment in it. I kept my eyes closed trying to keep the tears from coming out. Harry grabbed my chin, his thumb outlining my bottom lip, “something’s wrong… What did I do?”
I chuckled sorely, “Harry you did absolutely nothing wrong. Everything you did couldn’t make me any happier, I was just thinking back on something. Something I don’t want to go back to.” My voice cracked as I tried harder to hold back everything, even telling him how cruel I am for doing this.
Harry tried pulling me toward him again but I pulled back, I didn’t want to continue this lie. Not only will it break me, but his fans already know who I am. They’ve got this ‘ship name’ thing for us and I’ll be hated for breaking their idols heart. I’ll be hated by his mother and sister, and his band mates. “Don’t reject me.” He whispered, my eyes instantly opened from the sound of his voice, he sounded vulnerable. Like a child being neglected. “Please.” He whispered.
“Harry, no.” I choked out; what the hell was happening? “I’m not…” I couldn’t speak; I just wrapped my arms around his neck pulling me into him. His arms wrapped tightly around me pulling me closer to him. I didn’t think it was positive to be this close to someone, so close where your skin is stuck together and you could feel every part of them, you could even feel their heart beating in their chest. I’ve only wished to feel this; just to feel their heart beating for you; or at least I hoped it was for me.
