Our little secret | Jev

41. Return

Jentzen's POV

Last night me and Lev had flown back home. My sister had met us at the airport with our luggage to send us off, meaning I didn't have to see my dad before I left. It sounds bad, but I'm glad I didn't have to see him.

Me and Lev were so tired when we arrived back to his house we fell asleep immediately. Now, it was a fresh new day and the two of us were at Piper's house ready to film and work. Something felt off, as if there was thick tension in the air. I wanted to lie and believe I had no clue of what the source could be, but in reality I knew all too well.

Elliana. Since the breakup, I'd barely been able to speak a word to her. I could feel and see her avoiding me at all costs, and it felt terrible because I knew I deserved it. I didn't deserve her friendship after the way I'd treated her. I just wished she'd give me a chance to speak to her. I was aware she probably hates me - she has every right.

But, god, I do miss her. I miss having her around, as a friend and it hurt me to go on pretending like I did nothing wrong. She deserves an apology, at least, and that was my mission. I'd been trying to pull her aside to talk for the past hour to no avail, as she kept finding ways to slip away.

I'd just seen her walking down the stairs, and for once she was alone. Now was my chance. I began walking up to her, but the second she saw me she swiftly tried to walk to other way. I sped after her, trying to catch up.

Finally managed to grab ahold of her arm before she could run off again. "Elliana, can we talk, please?" I begged, still not letting go of her as if afraid she would run away again. "I have nothing to say to you" she mumbled harshly, trying to pry her arm away from me. "But I have something to say to YOU" I urged.

She sighed, but finally nodded her head in agreement. I walked her over to the sofa in the room by the entrance to Piper's house, sitting her down and taking a seat next to her.

"Listen, I know you probably still hate me, but I really want to find a way for us to be friends again" I explained. "I've made some bad choices and I've hurt you in the process" I began. Elliana looked at me with sharp eyes.

"I don't hate you, I hate what you did, and your decisions are apart of what shapes you as a human. I didn't like the person you became towards me" she retorted, folding her arms over. I sighed, leaning my elbows on my knees as I leaned forward.

"I know, I fucked up. I really fucked up, Elliana, and I'm trying to find a way to fix my mistakes" I breathed out.

"What you did was bad, Jentzen. If you knew deep down how you truly felt you should have never agreed to date me. I know I wasn't your first choice out of all the girls in the world, I just happened to be the one that joined the squad - but that doesn't make what you did right" she argued.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I know words won't fix what I did, and there's no excuses that I could say that would make it ok. I buried my own insecurities and used you to try and fix them, but that's not how it works. You can't make yourself love someone, and it was wrong of me to drag you through my mess and break your heart in the process" I finally admitted, beginning to see the huge mess I had made.

Weirdly enough, a small smile cracked on Elliana's face. I widened my eyes in utter bewilderment. "Why are you smiling?!" I questioned, confusion visibly showing on my face. She let out a small laugh, wiping a single tear that had rolled down her face.

"Don't you see, Jentzen? This is all I wanted. All I ever wanted was one genuine apology from you, and for you to finally understand what you've done. You led me on and broke my heart, and yet you couldn't understand why I was so mad at you" she explained. Suddenly it all began to make sense, and I felt heaviness in my heart.

"I spent so long wondering why you could never love me and questioning if I was the problem and none of it felt fair. You hid your own insecurities and made me develop my own as a result, when all along you could have just told me that I wasn't unlovable, YOU just couldn't love me because it's not who you are."

I sat and listened to her, and as her words poured out I felt the pain in her voice. It was something I couldn't empathize with because in the end I had always been loved back by those who I felt for - in our relationship, Elliana cared for me unconditionally, and now Lev does the same.

"I do love you though, Elliana. Not in the way you might want me to, but I love you nonetheless. Have I ever told you that you're the funniest person I know?" I questioned, scanning her face. She smiled but rolled her eyes playfully as if she didn't believe me.

"No, I'm serious! You're even funnier than Lev. Don't tell him that though, it might make him cry" I joked. Elliana let out a little chuckle, which warmed my heart. "And you know what else?" I continued. "You are the strongest person I know. You have the most willpower and resilience I have ever seen, and you don't take anyone's shit or let anyone walk over you. I admire you so much for that."

Elliana looked up at me with nervous eyes. "Do you really think that?" She asked. "Do I really think that you ask to the guy who you REFUSED to let break up with you?!" I replied, causing her to laugh again. "I admire you, Elliana, and I will always love and look out for you" I spoke softly, turning the tone more sincere as silence around us settled.

"I know I have a lot of making up to do, and it will take some time for you to forgive and trust me again, but I really do hope that we can start that process. I didn't treat you right and there's no excuses, but all I can do now is do my best to make it up to you every way I can" I noted.

"I care so much about you, so you better bet your ass when men start to flock at you they'll all have to get my approval first. You deserve only the best of guys, no douchebags will get through me!" I insisted, puffing my chest out to look big and strong.

Elliana slapped my arm, beginning to laugh again. "You're such an idiot, Jentzen" she giggled. "But I'm happy to have an idiot like you looking out for me, as a friend" she admitted, smiling at me. I returned her smile, pulling her into a warm hug. "Love you" I mumbled, not expecting her to be at the point where she could confidently say the same back to me.

However, I was corrected. "Love you too" she replied, still not breaking away from the hug.