"Jamie," I say in a low voice. "Please move out the way."
"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I was just messing around, you know that."
"Please move," I say again.
"Look at me. I'm just joking-"
My fist flies forward and connects with his nose before I can com...
Trigger Warning: Mentions of self harm and sexual assault
(Y/n's POV)
I stare him down as he looks at the new marks on my arm, flinching slightly as he runs his thumb over one.
"Y/n," he whispers, "why. Why would you do this to yourself?"
"Because it makes me feel better," I snatch my arm back and pull the sleeve back down, hiding it once again.
"If this is because of Ellie-"
"Oh my god! Jamie! Not everything is about you! Yes, I'm pissed that you lied to me about Ellie, but I was warned so it's my own fault really for trusting you. But this," I indicate towards my arm, "is not because of you. It's not about you."
"Then what is it about?"
We're both shouting now.
"It's about last night!"
I take a deep breath and close my mouth before I can say anything else and, as soon as I stop, the room starts to spin.
I wobble and start to fall sideways before his two strong hands grab me and hold me steady.
He's only trying to help, but it just makes me think of my attacker last night.
"Get off," I say and try to push him away. "Don't touch me!" I free myself and quickly move to the worn sofa, sitting on the edge so I can jump back up as soon as the world stops spinning.
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He goes to sit next to me, but I put a hand out.
"Please, just give me a bit of space."
So he sits on the chair that's at the dressing table, but turns it to face me.
"Y/n, what happened last night?"
A sob builds up in my throat, but I push it back down with a deep breath.
I curl up into a ball on the sofa as the memories I have of last night flood my brain.
"Is it Martin? If he laid a finger on you then he's a dead man."
I shake my head. "No, Jamie."
"Then what? Please tell me what happened. I brought you to my place last night, and you were covered in mud and your clothes were torn. Something happened to you last night and I can't help unless you tell me."
"...... he raped me." I say quietly, almost to myself like I'm actually admitting the truth outl oud.
"What was that?"
He didn't hear me, but I don't want to say it again.
I let out a small sigh. "Last night, Martin and I were getting drunk. Someone, I don't know who cause I thought it was the bartender but it wasn't, passed me a shot. It tasted a bit funny but I didn't think anything of it. Anyway, Martin got talking to this guy at the bar, so I left them to it, hoping something might happen cause Martin's been really lonely lately-"
"Martin's gay??"
"........Yeah? It's pretty obvious."
"Ohhhh. Explains a lot. Sorry, carry on."
"Anyway, I left them to it. I went for a walk, wanting some fresh air, but there was something wrong. I'm guessing something was slipped into my drink, cause everything was fuzzy, I couldn't really make sense of anything, and it was different to being drunk. A lot different. Then, some guy came up to me, said he was going to drive me home and get me safe. I was too out of it to fight him, and I kept passing out in the back of his car. Needless to say, he didn't drive me home. I don't know where we were, but I just remember him getting into the back of the car next to me."
The tears start to fall and I can't look at Jamie. I feel dirty, ashamed. "He held up a tissue to my face, there was some sort of chemical on it. I couldn't move my body at all, but it took a while to knock me out. And before it did, I felt him take my trousers off. I don't know how long I was out for, but he wasn't done by the time I woke up. He kept going until he was finished and then, without saying another word to me, he drove me back into town and ditched me where you found me."
I feel his eyes on me.
"Then, this morning, I came in to the studio to get ready. I've had that tin in my bag for a long time. I used to use it after the incident with Brian, just because anything was better than the pain I felt thinking about him. It was a distraction, and it worked. Until it worked too well. One day, I cut too deep and ended up in hospital. Promised myself I'd never touch it again. Until today."
"Because you needed a distraction," he says, almost to himself.
This makes me think of when he told me about him doing this to himself.
I laugh dryly, "Exactly."
When I look at him again, I'm shocked to see tears falling down his cheeks.
