february 11, 2017
my house is dead silent and the only thing that can be heard is the humming of my fan and the dripping of the broken sink neither i nor my parents refused to fix.
i am downstairs eating cereal in the silence because a little of it is relaxing.
i am trying to calm myself before the day begins because i tend to lose my mind by the end of it.
there was something i had to do today, though i think ive forgotten already.
as i drop my dish into the sink i head back to room, immediately hearing a faint ticking.
i furrow my eyebrows as i open my curtain, watching billie throw small pebbles at my window. she smiles, waving at me and suddenly i've remembered.
she points, letting me know she's gonna come through my front door. i nod and eventually, she's out of eyesight.
i scramble around my room, making up my bed because my mind tells me i need to look presentable for billie.
i say this with my cookie monster pajama pants hanging off my waist as they're too big and my black sports bra leaving my stomach exposed.
this is nowhere near presentable.
i don't have time to throw on a shirt as billie enters my room, leaning on my door with a chuckle.
"nice pants," billie says looking me up and down, leaving my face to turn a bright red. "you forget about me already e," says billie as she walks into my room and sits on my bed.
it is almost one o'clock and i had just woken up, "i woke up late" i mumble. she nods, staring at me.
"could you not stare, eilish" i chuckle, billie shakes her head "no, you're pretty."
"don't compliment me," i say, causing her to laugh "why i think you're pretty so i'm gonna say it."
i didn't like compliments, not any to do with me that is. it makes me feel weird and self-centered and just overall like an attention seeker.
and, i was certainly nowhere near pretty.
"okay eilish" i mumble, "eilish" she mocks and i almost laugh but i don't. perhaps it'd cut the tension and awkwardness between us but i am not about to let some girl break walls i've spent years building up.
she stares at me, eyes drinking me in, "okay well" she begins "i'll wait for you downstairs yeah?"
all i do is hum as i walk into my bathroom to shower. as i turn the knob to the shower i let my hair out of its messy bun, grabbing my brush to detangle before washing my hair.
eventually, i'm in the shower, letting the hot water burn my skin. it hurt but it hurt good if that made sense, i like to feel the water drip down onto my body and face.
a little over 10 minutes later i am running my hands up my face, and to my hair, squeezing out all the water before turning the shower off and stepping out.
i want to say i'm dreading this but that sounded rude because i truly do like billie.
but i am not sure about going to her house and i'd never really been to other people's houses as my parents don't allow me to go on outings with them.
which i don't mind, they work, "children don't belong in a workplace" as they say.
and speaking of my parents, they'd been gone a while now and i was running out of groceries.
as their work trip has suddenly been extended i am left alone in the house for another month. i do miss them at times but the silence definitely makes my life better.
-
billie
as i sat in my bed, i observed eden, who appeared to be uncomfortable. it irritated me how hard she attempted to avoid me, "avoid" as in not wanting to get to know each other. i mean, i understand why she didn't want to let anyone in, but it still stung.
i stared at her, her eyes darting over the room, adorning it, or so id like to believe. we made eye contact for a split second before she broke it. eden sat stiffly, pulling at her sweatpants.
"why are you staring at me," she said softly, she had the voice of a celebrity or singer if that made sense. "you're just so gorgeous" i complimented her. "please don't compliment me," she said softly once again. eden didn't like me doing a lot of things, she really didn't want anything to do with me, but i'm not letting her slip away so quickly.
when i saw her in her room, hair messy and in stupid cookie monster pants i almost fainted. she was so pretty that it hurt. although i didn't know why she couldn't see that, why didn't she realize how incredible she really was?
i wanted to know why she was the way she was.
"what's your deal eden, tell me about you— why are you like this," i said laying down, my face right next to her legs. she flinched but then looked down at me in my new position "like this as in" eden asked.
"you know, why are you so," i thought for a second "so, careful i guess."
she looks at my face for a second, scanning it.
"wow" she whispered and i chuckled "what?"
"i've never seen your face this close" eden looked back away, "you're very pretty that's all," she said in her sweet little voice.
"please don't compliment me" i mocked playfully, she chuckled not allowing herself to actually laugh.
which i didn't get.
"but you are very beautiful so i'm allowed to compliment you." her voice had this hint of an accent i couldn't quite put my finger on, she spoke softly, and maturely, the accent made her sound, i wanna say, fairy-like? some type of mythical creature.
"answer my question," i say to which eden sighs "because if i am not, then who will protect me?"
"i only have myself," she says, "no one ever really has me like me— so i just have to look out for myself eilish."
as she speaks, her eyes scan over the blankets over my wall, as if she knows i am like her. she looks over them like she can see right through them, reading all of my thoughts, silently judging.
"oh," i say "well maybe if you'd let me, i could look out for you? i could be there?"
eden chuckles as if she'd heard this a million times "you? why waste your time eilish?"
"because i think you're special" i respond.
eden does not answer, she does not even look at me. i wonder what she is thinking about as her eyes land on my wall yet again.
"there's nothing behind there if you're wondering" i lie, watching her react to my voice. "oh i wasn't thinking that, i just want the blankets," eden says.
i chuckle, looking up at her. eden finally looks down at me, forcing eye contact. her eyes were beautiful, everything about eden was fucking beautiful.
she seemed to be oddly familiar, yet so so different. i couldn't explain it, but it was as if we'd met before as if she was my soulmate.
1225 words
