Morgan

Chapter Five - Signs to avoid

So love wasn't something that had eluded me. I've had it, felt it, tasted it, loved it, wept in it, lost it, drowned in it, bathed in it, lapped it up, craved its touch, and I've not once regretted it. I mean, perhaps I've regretted it a tonne at the time, but it always led to some discovery or another about myself that I could then grow from. Do I wish I had experienced the heartache that had gone hand in hand with love?! Fuck no! Because I still had a little heartache, always would, from that great love that echoed inside of me.

So..., love, once you've had it once, you know the signs, and you recognise the stirrings of it when you feel them.

The look

It starts with a little catch of the eyes, there's something there, a twinkle, and you want to look again. They draw you back, and if it's reciprocated, you might catch them eye you again, and you know then... there's a base line...

The thoughts

They come in quickly like a rolling tide, once you've had the look and the interest is there, suddenly they pop up into your thoughts like a recurring character in your favourite sit com. They appear when they shouldn't, and you start to obsess a little, excited at their presence. There are many questions about this person that you have never even wondered about before. Why were they suddenly everywhere? What is she doing right now? Does she like girls? Clearly she does, the look wasn't a friendly one. I wonder what her lips taste like? Her lips... a visual that pops into your head, never obsessing over a body feature more... and it usually starts there... with the lips. A little later it will be the touch of her skin, the wanting to touch... but at the beginning if it's flutters of love, it's not usually her breasts you think of, although who doesn't think of the perfection of a woman's form and just sigh.

The energy

When there's a pull, there's an energy. The electricity between you. I know you know what I mean, some people vibe off of you like fork lightening. They enter your space, either physically or mentally, and the hits you take from them make you feel alive, like a drug is entering your system each and every time they are close. If it's a long distance love, it's the same but it's with each and every message you see from them. Every time you see them typing back your heart races, and with one word the energy transcends the distance and hits you like that fork of lightening. Energy does not always equate to love, you can flirt with a persons energy just fine and never be romantic with them, but it's an ingredient and a sign that if tapped into, your energy could dance... together.

First touch

So you've had the look, you vibe with their energy, and you've felt the obsession growing. Now one of you is going to make the mistake, or not, of touching for the first time, and I don't mean sexually or even romantically... I mean that slight brush of their hand against yours, the accidental arm to arm, and god forbid it's the accidental touch of your torso. It's a hand on your waist, or your hip, as they try to move around you, or stop themselves from falling over you... there's something about that touch that will make your stomach flip faster than a burger at a state fair. This is when you are at your most vulnerable to the paralysing realisation you need this to become more. This is no longer friend territory, this is someone you must kiss or it feels like it would be the end of the world, and if this is the first... that first touch of it... I'm going to go out on a limb and say you are about to fall flat on your face in love with someone who either does or doesn't deserve you and there's nothing you can do now it's begun. Go with it, and know when to leave it if the love should sour, although this mostly comes with experience, because love goggles are real and all of us have overlooked red flags when the intense desire to be with someone has clouded your judgement. Don't beat yourself up. I've been there. We all have, you live, you love and you learn. Girls, boys, humans, we have all learnt from being burned at-least once.