Morgan

Chapter Eleven- Time to talk

I had spent the afternoon avoiding Annie after our encounter in the pool. She was busy on work calls and I was busy making up my schedule for the new school year up in my office.

"Hey" she says, finally popping her head around the corner of the door.

I look back to her from my desk and then up to the clock on the wall. It was six thirty. "Dinner is at seven thirty you better finish up" she suggests.

I take a deep breath and gather my thoughts "okay I will be out in a minute" I offer.

She walks over and squeezes my shoulders "are you mad" she asks.

I look sideways a little surprised at her question "about" I ask.

She kisses my cheek "about me not spending more time with you this afternoon"

I close my eyes a little, not that she can see "no I'm not mad" I return.

She squeezes my shoulders again "okay" she replies, and she releases me and leaves back out of the door.

I turn and look to the space she had vacated. The pencil in my fingers slips through my loosened grip and clangs on the wooden top. My eyes look to the window, out to the neighbour walking his cockerpoo down the pathway. I spot my reflection and I frown, because my eyes are so empty, it scares me... I feel so sad, so sad it's like I'm going to be sucked into a rip tide and carried off to be drowned in the heaviness of it. The quickness in which it overcame me, it shocked me, and I knew it was from this afternoon, the confusion and guilt that washed over me after Annie and I had been intimate. It was a grief, a painful, painful, grief, because it was over, it was really over, whether Annie agreed to see it or not, she no longer lit my world on fire. I loved her, but clearly the love we had, it was burning out, and my ability to cope with her, it was waining. I no longer had it in me to play this game with her. I had to talk to her tonight and set some boundaries. I had to give her my truth, because there was no coming back from this, and it pained me to even think it, to even suggest it, let alone say it. Annie and I, we were done.

I would never be intimate with Annie again. Our romantic relationship, in my mind, had officially ceased to exist, because although it brought pleasure, the pain wasn't worth it. Annie would not take this well, hell it scared me a little if I was honest, how she would take it. I hadn't much been on the end of her anger, but she would, I knew, take this anger into the divorce and she would take everything from me, for sport. I just knew it. If Annie loved you fiercely she would equally flip that on you. You know her mom warned me once, that Annie perhaps loved me a little too much... and that might not be the best thing. I didn't understand why she would say that. She had been nothing but wonderful to me, a little controlling but wonderful and loving too. I was about to see the flip side... I was terrified of it, and the dagger that currently drew down my chest, ripping flesh from bone, it was the truth of the fact I had allowed her to take my body for a lot longer than she should have, because I wanted to avoid this moment, the moment she could potentially try and hit me where my heart beat, my children. She could try and take our children... they were the only way she could destroy me, my dreams, my babies, my world.

I wouldn't let her take my children.

I stand up from the desk feeling a little weak, and as I walk out into the bedroom I feel dizzy. I'm walking in a daze, like I'm perhaps not even in my body. I look down to the bed and see an outfit laid out.

"I set out your outfit" she says "you look good in that" she adds.

I can hear her, but it's like I'm under water, like her mouth is moving and I'm struggling to make out her words. I nod. I just nod. I take the dress into the bathroom to put it on, slipping it up over my naked torso as she comes in behind me and zips it up "I knew that would look amazing on you" she whispers, and she kisses my bare shoulder. I flinch a little.