The Younger Girl

Chapter 47(Final)

Collae POV

There is never a proper way to deal with grief. People will tell you not to sulk and get some air but sulking is sometimes all people know how to do. It's always easy to tell someone how to do something when you're not in the situation yourself.

I loved Theo, I can say he is my first love. I am seventeen years old. I met Theo at sixteen, of course I never thought that I would fall in love so young never the less get pregnant and lose my first baby. I never  thought this would ever be my life but nobody ever does until it happens.

I felt like my innocence had been stripped from me but I questioned if I was ever able to have it in the first place. Growing up without my parents and seeing how dark the world could be, who knew my world would've became so much darker. Why was I the one who had a continuous domino effect? Why did it feel like God keeps bringing me to a deeper and darker place. Revolving my like around God due to my grandmother and parents beliefs its all I ever knew but its so difficult to believe he has a plan for me considering I have no happiness.

I'm seventeen but feel like I've seen enough of life. I no longer feel like I can go on peacefully with all these emotions I carry. Will I ever want to have a baby again? Will I be happy? When will I make the better choices for myself. Im not really sure why I couldn't think logically about having a child at my age. I didn't get to finish high school without being knocked up and becoming a statistic.

No parents, no guidance and no discipline. Just another with trauma.

I'm young but if there's one thing that can truly make me feel like I can keep going. Its Theo. Although me and Theo really came along way and the time we were apart put a strain on me, I still loved him. I wanted so to badly despise him for our baby girl but I couldn't. I knew Theo wanted to do better after he realized what a path of anger could lead him towards. I haven't known Theo long enough to know fully how he reacts to certain situations but from what I have seen it's hard for him to control himself. I know Theo loves me and he has been by my side through all of my pain. It would be selfish of me to breakdown and give up knowing he lost his daughter too. This was something we would have to overcome together. I know that our pain will always be present but I cannot give up.

"Lae...?" Theo pressed his hand against my lower back as I was taken out of my deep thought in his bedroom. I turned to him as I was facing the window watching his neighbors children play outside.

"Yes Theo?" I answered waiting for his daily check up. Theo was trying his best to comfort me but I could see he was hurting as well. It was so difficult for me to be his rock as well as mine. I knew he needed love and I so badly wanted to give it to him but I just kept finding myself to be shutting off to the world not sure what happens from here. I go back to school and act like nothing ever happened? Would I be prepared for people to ask me if i was really pregnant, how do I feel after giving birth or people asking to see my baby girl. I just knew I didn't want to be here anymore and if it wasn't for him, Im scared to even think what I would do to myself.

"How are you mon amour?" He asked placing a light kiss on my exposed shoulder. He gently guided me to his bed away from the window shutting the blinds with a frown laid upon his face. I shrugged not really sure of what answer to give him. Do I lie and say I'm alright or do I tell the truth while he sits there not knowing how to comfort me?

"Collae jolie fille, you are my beautiful star and the strongest person I know...I know I truly won't understand your pain, I wish I could take your pain from you. I hate seeing you this way, I feel like I've failed. You are my world, I will never stop telling you that. I need you to know that I will never stop loving you, nothing will ever get too ugly for me and I will never run from you again. I'm so sorry for what I put you through and for making such stupid decisions. Selfish decisions, I was a little boy to you and you didn't deserve anything that has happened to you. I still don't deserve you. I will always love you and you will always hold the title of my first love. You are unforgettable and you make me feel like I've found my person, my everything, I would give up everything for you. I know were young and people will always have nonsense to say to us but I don't care maybe we are young and dumb but this feels right I feel right with you."

I didn't realize that I had been crying from Theo's words until I felt a drop fall from under my nose to my mouth. I became so flushed from him, the pain I've been feeling turned into a pool of emotions of love, grief, regret, but mostly love. Being young it is so easy to be blindsided and I felt like I had been going though the images of memories over the last year of my life.

Theo came to wipe my tears, and place a kiss on my forehead. It looked like he had been holding in some tears as well but trying to fight it in front of me.

"You can cry with me Theo its al-" before I could even finish my sentence I heard him release a wail from above me and dip into my shoulder. I didn't know what to do considering for the last couple of weeks he's been catering to me. I felt guilty for not catering to his.

"Theo, you're emotional right now, just breathe baby...I'm here right now, we're here together we will be okay."

"I'm sorry, I know...I'm just so angry Collae. So many things done differently could've had better outcomes..." He rubbed my arm with his head down. I lifted his head gently to face me and kissed his salted lips from his tears.

"We are so young Theo and moved so fast, we're lucky to have each other to get through this okay? Lets try to not pain ourselves with the what ifs and think about what he cant control anymore..." I trailed off realizing I also needed to take my own advice since Ive always dwelled on uncontrollable things. I know it would take time for me to live with the passing if my baby girl but I wouldn't let it break me.

"Collae I don't wanna be without you...I promise to you that things will be right baby."

After talking with Theo a while longer it made me realize how much I really missed him. I missed our conversations and being in his space. He really was my rock.

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After a few more weeks of therapy and trying to get back to a normal lifestyle again me and my grandmother decided I should try and go back to school again. My grandmother didn't rush me into anything but I couldn't keep living my same day over. I had to socialize again, I wanted to try and make friends again. Theo had been amazing to me but Theo also is a reminder of our shared pain.

It felt like I was a new kid walking through those doors for some reason. The Collae they thought I was wasn't here anymore . None of these people had seen me for weeks. It was like they had seen a ghost.

A large hand came and scooped mine.

It was my love.

"C'mon baby, I got you." He basically stayed with me the whole day, waited for me after every class. Of course there were whispers but I had Theo and Kaitlyn. I didn't need anyone else.

This felt like the beginning of a second chance.

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This is a very open ended book. And i really wanted to leave it up to the readers to have different opinions on it. It was really rough on Collae and I promise I don't  hate her read next part for further details.