My Mind/My Thinking

Chapter Two|When will they notice?{English}

22/06
2022
01:10 a.m.
When will they notice?

i'm tired

All the disappointments, the pain, the feeling of being alone.

I mean, I'm invisible, nobody cares how I'm doing, as long as I smile, life's alright, right?

No, smiling can be fake like anything else.

I can hardly find any reason to get up in the morning.

So why do I bother and walk straight ahead?
Why am I walking the path that everyone wants me to walk?

I ask myself when it all becomes apparent how I'm really doing. Every day I try my best and nobody cares.

You only hear things like:
-try more
-do better
-be thankful
Funny thing, this being thankful. Why should I be grateful for people's basic rights?
Why should I be grateful for a roof over my head?
For clothes and for food?
I mean, I'm not ungrateful, I could be worse for that.
But even people on the street sometimes get more love than I do.

I mean love? Where is the?

It's also a basic human right, but who cares.

I have a lot of people around me online.
I often get texted and asked questions.

They all cry to me and I help them.

But with whom can I let it all out?

All this pain, I'm used to it and shouldn't cry about it.
I should help people who might have minor problems but are not used to them.
I mean, I'm strong enough, my whole life, I've been strong.
My childhood wasn't nice either, but I'm still alive, so I'm strong enough to carry other people's burdens, right?

I wonder when they'll realize I'm broken and when they'll realize I've stopped talking.

After all, the only thing I say is my oral grade in class or online when I'm helping others.

I also rarely make phone calls, back then I did it every day 24/7.

Now I'm trying to run away from it.

During the day, I usually only use the phone in the evening to sleep, since I also have the problem of not being able to sleep without someone, so I use the phone then.

I don't really hang out with my friends anymore.
are they friends?
How do I know who is behind the cell phone.
I can't trust anyone but myself and that's a good thing.

I can't hurt myself mentally as much as they can hurt me.

If only I trust myself will everything be better then?
I mean, I still listen to everything else and help them and stuff because I know what it's like when you're in trouble, but is that enough?

is that enough to live?
Up until now nobody has really noticed who I am and what I no longer do.

Am i so alone who do i have who can i trust In the end we just die.

Is everything we see actually the reality?
Who is really there and who is only in our imagination?
Ever thought that anyone could be a scam.
Every person online could be a computer that's just there to keep you online, for money or otherwise.

Maybe we're just in a simulation.
Everything we experience is not real.

It's a game.

Or our brain blurs the lines between reality, superstition and the tragedy of our lives.

Has anyone ever thought about our brains like that?

Maybe all the studies are wrong, just what our brains are telling us.

Who says this is all real?

And what exactly is reality?

Is reality what we perceive ourselves? Or what the majority perceives?

Is reality what we believe? Or what studies say?

No one can know exactly what others are thinking.
Funny, isn't it?

Your best friend might hate you and all, but you wouldn't know it.
The people closest to you might despise you and your worst enemy might love you.

Everything could be a lie and when exactly will you find out?

Never everything that others say could not be true, you will never know if you are telling the truth or not.
Life is a construct of time, space and imagination.
But where does this fantasy go and how far can it go? How different everything can be.

~Sky<3