Rejected by the Alpha

Will You Listen To Me?

*Nick's POV*

I couldn't eat or sleep. I just sat there watching the world go on without me, no one talked to me or bothered me. Why would she kick me out? Why did I tell her everything?

>flash back<

"I wish no one brought me back." Abby whispered. "What ever happened must have been so bad, that my mind shut it out completely. I wish I was still dead. It's a whole lot better than thinking you did something, but you can't even remember what it was. I have to know, what was so bad that my mind shut down?"

"Don't speak like that! I am glad they brought you back. When they said that your heart stopped and that you dont remember me, I was devistated. I told myself that the gods were giving me my punishment for all those horrible things to you. All those beatings back in school. Never letting you enjoy the sun during the summer. Because... because I was scared. I didn't want anything to happen to you, so I did it. Because I knew that if I put you through it, if anyone else did it, it wouldn't be so bad.

"I wanted everything to work out in the end, and when I saw you smile at me, even after all those beatings, I knew that I failed. I failed at protecting you from jerks like me, from people who want nothing more than to see you suffer. You smiled at me when you found out we were mates, even after I hurt you, you still cared enough to love someone, to forgive someone, after all the pain you went through. All the pain that I put you through. The only person that you trusted enough to tell that you were afraid of the dark.

"I stole that trust from you, and when the time came, you still trusted me, you still believed that that little boy was still there. That now that you found your mate, everything would be better. I caused you the most pain because you trusted me and I vialated your trust. I gave out all of your secrets and you still smiled at me. You still... you still believed in me. Even after I rejected you, you still came back. I won your heart back after losing it too many times.

"I wanted so badly to have you move on and forget about me, to leave and never come back. I wanted you to have some dignity, but I took it when I laughed in your face about you being my mate. Inside I was dying because I let you down, and I let my final chance slip through my fingers. I let you get hurt after I swore nothing will happen to you, that I would never let anything harm you in anyway. And here we are, you died... twice. And all I am doing is pushing you away again.

"I never wanted this to happen, all I wanted was for you to be happy. After I hurt you that first time, something in me snaped and died. After that, the only thing I could think about was more ways to hurt you because I was scared of the truth. I knew what happened that night, I didn't want to believe it. I told myself over and over that that isn't what happened, I told myself that so often, I believed it. When you didn't tell me what happened, I felt like you never trusted me, that you never would have trusted me.

"I played it over and over in my head, you screaming and crying, but never telling anyone. You didn't even tell your parents before the were killed. You just carried on and shut the world out. If I had trusted my instinct, none of this would have happened. If I had agreed to stay with you that night..." I stopped and stared at the ground with tears in my eyes.

"Get out." she said.

"Wha.."

"Get out!" she screamed.

>>end of flash back<<

I rested my head in my hands and sighed. I think I told her too soon, maybe she wasn't ready for all of that. I should have just said that I wasnted her alive, that I needed her alive. I need to appologize, but not right now. She might still be mad. God, why cant I do anything right? why do I fuck up so easily? I ran my hands through my hair. I thought of the song I wrote, I never earned her back. She will never truely forgive me. I got up and walked back to my room. I need a new song, writing songs is the only true way I can get things off of my chest.

I pulled out my guitar and randomly played notes. Some of them worked perfectly, I wrote down the notes and started coming up with lyrics. 'Broken clock is a comfort' that sounded right. I looked at the clock by the bedstand. It was on the ground, still showing the time that was right before I found out she couldn't remember. I threw the clock on the ground out of frustration.

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A few hours later I had the song. I read over it and hummed. Tears poured down my cheeks as I continued humming. I heard a knock at the door. I quickly wiped away the tears and washed my face. I opened the door to find Jace standing, he looked horrible. I nodded and let him in, stepping aside to let him by. He picked up the papers and read them.

"What are these?" Jace asked.

"A song I wrote. It's not done yet." I said trying to grab the papers. He pulled away and continued reading them.

"It's amazing, I didn't know you wrote songs. Do you play as well?" He asked looking at the guitar on my bed. I nodded and picked up the guitar. "Can I hear?"

"I guess. But wait until later, I want to go over it a few more times first."