I Lied | BTS

03

Kangdae didn't leave his room for the rest of the night and it was only when Namjoon entered the room did he realise he had spent hours staring up at the ceiling while trying to disappear from his reality. Namjoon didn't seem all that happy but he smiled at Kangdae and silently laid down beside him, also taking part in looking up at the white blank ceiling overhead.

It was as if emotions had left his body for those hours, pushed out of him to make space for the heavy feeling in his heart and pounding in his skull. No thoughts came to mind but it was better that way.

Namjoon, beside him, suddenly rolled onto his side with a frown and stared at Kangdae. Perhaps he had been trying to talk to him only Kangdae was unable to hear him, maybe it was essential or maybe he was trying to fill his own silence.

 Kangdae didn't respond.

One of his earbuds was then taken from his ear and it caught his attention.

"Dae-Hyung," Namjoon spoke as if he had been calling him for a while.

Kangdae's head turned to look at him, "Namjoon."

"I asked if you were alright."

Kangdae shrugged, "I'm fine. How are you?"

"You don't seem fine." 

Kangdae glared slightly, not wanting to talk about himself, "I asked how you were, Namjoon."

Namjoon huffed and fell back on the bed, "Fine. I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine," Kangdae muttered, turning away.

"Don't use my words against me."

Kangdae smirked and shook his head slightly; it was almost like the man acted more like a child around him and that could perhaps be because he was a few years older but Kangdae didn't mind, he found it amusing and quite adorable.

"So, what's the verdict?" Kangdae wondered aloud.

"What?"

"The members, what's their verdict on me?"

Namjoon sighed, rubbing a hand over his face, "Half and half I guess. Yoongi and Taehyung don't trust you and neither does Jungkook but he's more open-minded. Hoseok and Jimin seem to like you already." Kangdae raised his brows in surprise, "Just give it time."

Kangdae hummed, "Yeah, well, I don't blame them."

"You can't be that bad." 

"You're very trusting, Namjoon."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"... I don't know," Kangdae whispered almost helplessly.

What he did to Jin was terrible and he deserved such a reaction he gave and more but, at the same time, there was something that was kept secret and that would haunt Kangdae for the rest of his life. To think Kangdae and Seokjin could go from best friends to lovers and then finally to strangers. Well, it had been years and it still was something shocking. Fate just had to bring them back together again, didn't it?

The following day was filled with uncertainty. Kangdae didn't know if he should stay in bed or finally meet the others adequately but what if Jin was there? What if something went wrong or worse than it already was?

Namjoon had entered the room multiple times to ask if he was okay and also to bring him out of the room simply to say hello to the rest but Kangdae wasn't sure. That was Jin's group, not Kangdae's and he didn't want to intrude on something that was familial and loving. 

It was around noon when Kangdae finally dressed and stepped outside the door, hoping to get to the front door without being noticed yet he knew it wasn't possible. An unknown member found him, both exiting rooms at the same time, and he stared at Kangdae with wide eyes. His grey-white hair was neatly brushed and his cheeks coloured pink at the sudden appearance of the new person, Kangdae had a difficult time knowing what his name was.

"Kangdae-Hyung," The boy smiled, "It's nice to see you out of bed. I'm Jimin." It wasn't patronizing or sarcastic, it was genuine, as genuine as the beautiful smile given to Kangdae without another thought.

Kangdae bowed his head slightly, "I'm sorry for my behaviour, Jimin."

Jimin waved at him dismissively, "It's fine, I get it, new house, new people. Though one of us isn't all that new." He chuckled and it had Kangdae frowning at the lack of questioning or accusatory glares. "Are you going somewhere?"

Kangdae followed the boy's eyes to his outfit, a simple black hoodie and jeans, "Just out for a walk."

"Can I come?" Jimin jumped at the opportunity quite literally and figuratively as he clasped his hands together in front of him and looked at Kangdae with hope.

Kangdae shrugged, "If you want." Perhaps he would like the excitable member with pretty eyes and short stature.

Jimin followed close behind him as they entered the connected living room and kitchen where it looked like every member was doing their own thing. Three members sat on the couches, a video game of some sort playing on the TV, while two sat at the dining table and the last, Jin, standing in the kitchen with a mug in his hands and a far-off stare.

Kangdae sighed and continued walking.

"Where are you guys going?" Namjoon looked up from the couch which caught everyone's attention instantly.

Seeing Kangdae freeze, Jimin grabbed hold of his arm with a grin, "We're going for a walk." 

"A walk?"

"That's what I said."

The room was plunged into silence and, again, Kangdae couldn't take it much longer, pulling on his arm that Jimin was still clinging to, "See you later." He didn't bother glancing at anyone else and quickly left the dorm.

"Well, that was awkward." Jimin giggled, walking beside a tense Kangdae who had his hands buried deep in his pockets.

Kangdae was putting a rift between the group, he knew that much and yet it was just with his presence alone. He hated to make Jin feel like he was, to make him look so saddened and lost, it wasn't new but it hurt all the same. No one knew the real reason for the man's behaviour but Kangdae did and he felt horrible for it, as he should.

"Don't worry," Jimin linked their arms together, "I like you."

Kangdae frowned, "Why?"

"I trust Namjoon-Hyung's judgement."

"And what about Jin's?"

Jimin shrugged, "Whatever problem you guys had is in the past, well into the past because I've known him for years and I've never heard of you."

Kangdae hummed, "It was a long time ago."

"I'm not going to ask but it seems like you guys haven't seen each other in a long while so maybe things can be better."

"I don't know, maybe."

"Was it your fault?" Jimin looked up at Kangdae with those pretty eyes of his, something innocent yet not hiding inside. Kangdae nodded. "Then you can make it better?"

"Possibly."

Jimin smiled softly, "I know you'll try, Dae-Hyung."