Rheostat

39.Sushi

S T E P H E N Z O

Standing outside the door, I prepared myself for the worst.

Kai already held grudges against me for not bringing Aylin back sooner. We were always close but over time our relationship strained. And after last night, I highly doubt he would even want to see me, much less hear me out.

I didn't want to deal with this right now. At least not when there were more pressing matters to tend to.

"Can I come in?" I asked, opening the door just enough so I could see inside.

Kai was sitting in the center of the room, a brush in his hand as he painted something. I could tell he hadn't slept all night; his sleeping habits never failing to worry me.

"Kai?" I repeated.

"What?" He barked. It somewhat relieved me to hear the anger in his voice. It meant he hadn't completely detached himself from us. No, he still cared. At least cared enough to get angry. "Came here for round two?"

"I came here to apologize." Without waiting for his permission, I went inside and dragged a chair to sit beside him.

"Fuck off."

I stared at the canvas before him. The painting was only half completed, yet I could already make out the features of Aylin.

"I'm sorry." I said gently which seemed to have angered him even more. "I had no right to do that to you."

"But you did." I flinched, not expecting to hear the sadness his voice carried.

I looked around the room, trying to arrange my emotions into words. I could see the fresh wounds on his face which only added more to my remorse.

I wish I could take it back.

"Is that me?" I picked up the freshly painted canvas with my face on it kept beside the bed for the paint to dry.

I smiled when I recalled the particular memory that inspired his artwork. Even as a child, Kai hated people. He wouldn't allow anyone to come near him.

Except me.

He would either spend his day alone or following me. He adored me. So did I. I still do. The only difference is I wasn't this bad at expressing it back then.

"You hate me, too?" I asked, recalling Aylin's honest confession last night.

At first it frustrated me beyond belief. After everything I did for her, still am doing, that's how she repays me? By claiming she hates me more than she ever hated Diego?

The same Diego who dedicated half of his life to make her life a hell while I fought to protect her against all odds.

But when I stayed up all night, counting the scars on her back, I realized I deserved her hatred.

I was worse than Diego. Maybe even worse than Dad.

Diego admitted his mistakes and he strived to do better.

While I still believed I was doing the right thing.

But the truth was I never once had done the right thing. I didn't try hard enough to fight Dad to let her stay.

Maybe it wouldn't matter and she would still be sent away. Maybe all my protests would have been in vain.

But I should have at least tried.

Yet I didn't.

Why? Because I believed she was a responsibility I needed a break from.

"You have changed." Kai commented, disappointed. "You weren't always like this. You once cared for us. Truly loved us."