Rheostat

12.Artemis

I was leaning against the car we had arrived in.

Picking on the petals of the orchids Ezra had handed me, I wondered how many people would attend my funeral.

I had no friends. I didn't even know the faces of my relatives.

Maybe my siblings would come. I know Eveline and Ezra will come. Perhaps Eveline would even cry for me? Should I count Kai? Probably not. Stephen would be too busy to attend. While I'm not so sure about Noah though, I would bet on him coming.

"What are you thinking about?" Eveline asked, walking out of the graveyard. The rest of my brothers were behind her.

"Whether you would come to my funeral or not."

"Fucking psycho," Noah mumbled under his breath, so no one hears. Unlucky for him, I possess praiseworthy hearing skills.

Eveline, on the other hand, gasped in shock, "You can't think like that!"

Why not?

"I won't come." Ezra's response was unexpected. But he added, "Because you will live a hundred years and I'll be long dead to be able to attend it."

His pathetic attempt at joking made me scoff silently.

"Go home. I'll come with Aylin." Stephen took me by my hand and dragged me back to the cemetery.

"Isn't it over already?" I asked, confused. I saw everyone leaving already.

"Yes, there is someone I want you to meet." Stephen didn't provide me with any more information.

We stopped in front of a vacant area. There were only two tombstones in the whole area. The black cemetery was very large. It's been here for hundreds of years, I think.

I saw it was a newly dug grave. Did he bring me here to meet Dad?

"Why did you bring me here?"

"Like I said, I wanted you to meet someone," Stephen repeated. He crouched down before the tombstone beside Dad, putting a bouquet of orchids.

"She loved orchids," he told me softly.

"You always wanted me to bring you to meet her. It's high time I started doing my responsibilities as your elder brother."

Then it hit me.

I realized whose grave it was.

Selene Black.

My mother.

The woman I was accused of killing.

I couldn't stop the tears from dropping. I didn't try to.

It was the first time I visited her in 16 years.

Was she angry I didn't visit her grave? Would she believe me if I said I wanted to but couldn't? Did she also blame me for killing her? I had questions but she wasn't here to answer them.

"Hi, I'm Aylin." I introduced it even though I knew it was only a stone I was interacting with. But something deep inside me compelled me to talk to her as if she could hear me.

"It's so dumb, why was I so insistent on meeting a stone?" I let out a bitter laugh.

Stephen put a hand on my shoulder. I immediately threw myself at him, sobbing. He let me cry as I cling to him. He didn't stop me, didn't wipe my tears but I still felt consoled. Like he was finally hearing me out.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." Stephen apologized, his hold on me got tighter.

"Why?" I mumbled, my head buried in his shoulder.

"Because I'm the big brother. I'm sorry I wasn't better at it until now."

"That's not true." I silently protested. I didn't like him blaming himself. Even though deep down, I blamed him, too. For not protecting me, for neglecting me. And his eyes told me, he knew. He knew all about it.

"What was she like?" I asked, wiping the stray tears.

"Mama? She was like the sunshine after the rain. She made everything better." A fond smile appeared on his face. "She was kind. Courageous. She would always be smiling. One couldn't help but love her."

"Just like Eveline," I said, the description perfectly fits her.

Stephen nodded in agreement, "But you resemble her more."

"We look the exact same," I couldn't fathom his reasoning.

Stephan shook his head, "Your eyes. They are different."

I looked at him confused. Our eyes were the same hazel colour. Why would they appear different?

"Eveline's eyes, are like a warm breeze on a spring afternoon. While your eyes, they hold a fire in them, threatening to burn everything in sight. Just like Mama's."

Was that a compliment? I honestly don't know.

"He's saying you resemble a monster," the voice in my head laughed loudly.

"Like a monster?" I didn't want to believe the voices.

Stephen lowly chuckled at my comparison, "Where do you even get these ideas, Aylin?"

Was he avoiding my question?

He seemed to have read my mind for he answered, "No, sweetheart. Not like a monster." He looked at Mom's tombstone before adding, "But like a warrior."

Now that surely was a compliment.

"So, promise me, you will keep on fighting," Stephen demanded, his eyes holding a knowing look.

"I promise." The constant voices seemed to fade away a little.

"Can I come here again?" I asked.

"Whenever you want."

"Are you sure?" I asked, doubtful.

"Absolutely sure. They are your parents, too."

I wasn't keen on visiting my father's grave regularly. Why did he have to be buried beside her?

"It was one of his last wishes. To be buried beside her." How did he always read my mind?

One of his last wishes? It made me wonder what his other wishes were.

"Do you hate him a lot?" Stephen asked, his tone softer than before.

"I do." I didn't want to lie to Stephen after he spent an entire afternoon being honest with me. "I hate him a lot."

"It's understandable," Stephen said, more to himself than me. "You should hate him. And us."

... ... ...

"Want to go shopping tomorrow?" Stephen asked once we got in the car. The rest of them didn't wait and had already left.

"For what?"

"You will be starting school this week. I am sure you need to buy resources for it."

I will be starting school this week.

"You will take me?" I asked.

"You don't want me to?" He asked, disappointed.

"No, it's not like that. But aren't you busy?" Stephen was a workaholic. Whenever I looked, he would always be busy with work. No exception.

"I have some free time tomorrow." he hummed.

"Uh-but I don't have any money." What if he thought I wanted to leech off their fortune?

'No one likes a gold digger, little Lili.'

Stephen turned his gaze from the road to me, "Our money is your money, sweetheart."

"Stop doubting every word I say, Aylin." He said once he noticed the doubt written on my face.

"Sorry," I gave him a guilty smile.

Stephen was many things but not a liar. But his words were too good to be true, making it harder to trust him.

But I knew Stephen didn't say things if he didn't mean it. He didn't make empty promises like some people I know.