Princess of the universe // Hardzzellee

Chapter 5

The week after, Joe was sitting opposite Rami at the kitchen table. Ben and Gwil were working and wouldn't be home soon.
"We have been thinking about adopting," Joe said without hesitating. 
"Really? That's great. Do you want to adopt mine?" Rami joked. Joe forced himself to laugh.
"We've been taking the required classes. And to be honest, I don't think I can't do this, Ram." Joe took a sip of his tea to occupy himself for a second.
"Almost all of these kids have serious traumas. And I want to say I am completely healed. I wish I could say that. But I am not. These classes have brought back a lot. How can I help a kid go through this process when I don't even know how to help myself?" Joe asked. He shook his head while he looked down at the table.
"Helping someone else is always easier than helping yourself. You have a hard time getting yourself calmed down from a panic attack. But you remember when I had my first panic attack the other day? You had me calmed down within minutes. And if there is a moment you don't know what to do, Ben and Gwil are right by your side. They already have quite some experience in helping you and they know what they are doing. And you always have us and the rest of your family to help out if needed," Rami said.

"Do you think I could be a dad?" Joe asked. Rami chuckled.
"Yes, I really think so. I am not going to make it sound better than it is, because being a parent can be really tough. But it brings life so much more perspective. You really start to see the world around you in a different way. It is wonderful to see a kid growing up," Rami said. He paused for a second to take a sip of his drink.
"And I have seen you around Scarlett and Leah. Based on that, I know you'll be an amazing dad. Scarlett absolutely loves staying with you. And besides that, you are so good at caring for people. With a kid, it is maybe a little different, but that is something you'll get used to quickly," Rami said. It stayed silent. Joe stirred his spoon through the remaining bit of tea.  
"And if a placement hits too close to home, you can always request a different placement. Some kids don't fit in with a particular family. That might be tough at first, but if that is better for you and for the child, it is the best solution," Rami explained. Joe nodded slowly.
"I hadn't thought about that yet."

"Joe, I have known you for a long time. And I also know that you have always wanted to be a dad. I know your relationship with Nathan has brought up some insecurities. But I know you still want to be a dad. Otherwise, you wouldn't have knocked on my door to discuss the topic. The best advice I can give you is to go home and talk to Gwilym and Ben. Tell them exactly which insecurities you have. They will support you no matter what. But being open about this might make it easier for them to realise when they need to step in and help out and when they need to let you figure it out. You will be parenting together and I know the three of you, you'll be amazing dads," Rami looked Joe straight in the eye. He hoped that Joe'd realise that he is telling the truth. Joe smiles at him.
"Thanks, I really needed to hear that," Joe said. 
"No problem. Anytime, you know that." Rami checked his watch.
"But I think it is time for you to go home. Those two lads of you are probably worried sick," Rami said. Joe laughed loudly. 

Later that evening they had finished dinner, but they remained seated at the dinner table. 
"Did you talk to Rami?" Ben asked carefully. He knew it was a sensitive topic and he didn't want to overstep this. 
"I did. It really helped. If you still want to, I want to officially open our license," Joe said. Gwil's mouth fell open while a huge smile spread on Ben's face.
"But we need to talk about this first because it is going to be tough on me," Joe said. They talked for over three hours. Ben and Gwil mostly let Joe talk and here and there discussed a topic. 

Ben was already laying in bed when Joe walked from the bathroom. He had taken a shower. A towel was wrapped around his waist. He couldn't help but let his eyes follow Joe around the room. Joe was oblivious to the starring at first, but when he turned around after putting on boxers and his pyjama shirt, he raised an eyebrow at Ben.
"Love, you look gorgeous," Ben said. 
"Sweetheart, have you seen yourself?" Joe asked. He crawled into bed next to Ben. The latter didn't waste time before joining their lips together. When Gwil walked in seconds later, he chuckled. 
"Gentlemen, I don't like feeling left out," Gwil said. Ben pulled away from Joe so he could look at Gwil.
"Come here, honey," He said while holding out his hand. Gwil immediately crawled into bed next to Joe. Ben was still sitting up and Gwil connected their lips. He kept the kiss short before moving his attention to Joe. 

A few minutes later they laid down again. 
"Ben, get your ass over to the middle of the bed. I want you to hold me," Joe said. Ben laughed loudly at the demanding tone in Joe's voice. He got into plank position above Joe. Briefly, he leaned down to peck Joe's lips before he let himself fall in between Gwil and Joe. When he opened his arms, both of them immediately curled up at his side. Gwil's hand found Joe's and he linked their fingers together. Joe had his eyes closed, but it brought a smile to his face. Gwil sat up to kiss Ben's forehead before doing the same to Joe. While Joe was laying like that, he knew he made the right decision. He wanted to start a family with Ben and Gwil. 

*********

Hey guys,

Your girl has covid, I hope I can write some more in the upcoming days. That is as long as the symptoms don't get worse. Be safe out there, the pandemic is not over yet.

Take good care of yourself and others. Stay safe, stay healthy.

Goodbye,

Xx Itsametaphorjoe