in love with home • johnny cade

13

Y/N

At any moment, any day, any time, Johnny could be sneaking in through my window.
It was probably a bad idea for me to suggest it knowing I'd get in trouble for supposedly wearing shoes in the house because of his footprints, but yeah.

I've been waiting in my bed for days, just sitting there, reading, peeking up every few seconds just to check if there's any movement by the window.
Was it the thrill of being caught that excited me? The thrill of breaking the rules? I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I'm about to doze off when I hear knocking, and the first thing I do is search for my knife.
I'm staring at the window, the blinds closed so I couldn't see who was on the other side. I was taking an excruciatingly long time to only peek through, so I just opened them, and there's Johnny, gripping onto the sleeves of his own jean jacket.

I put my knife down, attempting to quietly pull up the blinds and open the window to let him in. The slightly warmer breeze enters my room, contrasting the cooling of my fan.
Right then I realised that my parents probably couldn't hear anything over the buzz and rattling of the fan.

Closing the window and the blinds, Johnny takes off his shoes like the last time he was here, sitting on the floor.
The one time I decide not to wait for him and go to sleep, he comes over. Way to be prepared.

"You okay?"
I whisper, his head dropping.

"Pony's door was locked. It's never locked. I think they were fightin'."
He whispers back, this time staring up at the ceiling.

"Fighting?"

"Not like hittin' each other, just yellin'. Saw their shadows in the window."

"Oh... I hope everything's alright."

"I didn't wanna bother 'em, but I didn't wanna go home either."

"You come here on the day I'm just about to go to sleep."

"Sorry."

"It's fine. You gonna go home later?"

"Maybe. I don't know."

"I can get you a mattress."

"Oh, you really don't have to do that much–"

"There's one in my closet. Should be okay."

"Why do you have a mattress in your closet?"

"Old one my parents told me to abandon. It still does its job."
I grab an extra pair of sheets from the closet before I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"I never told you I was stayin' over."
He says, making me feel a little disappointed.

"Do you want to?"
I offer. He looks unsure, like he doesn't know what to say.

"I'd like to. But... only if you're okay with it."
He finally answers.

"I'm fine with it. My parents sure as hell aren't."

"Can they hear us?"

"Not over the fan, they can't."
I hear Johnny take off his jacket before sitting down on my bed with the audible huff of the mattress.

Pulling the sheets over the corners of the spare mattress, it's silent with nothing other than the noise of the fan.
I pass Johnny one of the spare pillows on my bed, watching him hug it while I get up to look for a blanket.

"I don't need a blanket. I'm pretty warm already."
He says.
Wow. Like he read my mind.

"You gonna lie down yet?"
I ask, sitting beside him on my bed.

"No. Not tired."

"How?"
He shrugs his shoulders, still hugging onto the pillow.
I get back under the covers, staring at his figure, hunched over and crooked.

"Hey, you okay?"
I touch his back, watching him turn to look at me.

"Yeah. I think so."

"You think?"

"I dunno, it feels wrong to be in your room like this. At a time like this."

"I offered. I deliver."

"I feel like I'm... intruding."

"The only thing you're intruding is my attempts at falling asleep. Quit brooding, already, you're welcome here."

"By you. I don't know about your parents though."

"Who cares?"

"Well, we're going out, so what do they think of us? What do they think of you? What do they think of me?"
I grab onto his hand, tugging it so he'd move closer to me.

"Let's not worry about them. All we should worry about is us. Each other. And how much sleep you're getting."
I achieve a chuckle from Johnny, his head dropping for a second before he looks at me.

"I'm sorry I can never... return your care."
He says, leaving me a bit confused.

"What?"

"You're so nice to me. I never return the favor in any way."

"You ask me if I'm okay. You check up on me. I can tell you're concerned by the look in your eyes. That's enough for me. I know you can't do much, but being there is all I need."
I felt his thumb brushing over the back of my hand, over and over, in a slow, repetitive motion.

I can never tell him about how much that simple gesture makes my heart race. How much I enjoy his company.
I don't tell him about how much I secretly wanted him to stay over.
I'll let him know. One day I'll let him know.

"What are you smiling for?"
He asks, a smile of his own slowly growing on his face.
Was I really smiling? Smiling at my own cheesy thoughts?

"Oh, nothing."

"Come on, tell me."
I roll my eyes, hesitating to answer.

"You."

"What?"

"You're very pretty."

"You told me that the other night."

"Thought I'd let you know tonight as well."

"I'm just so handsome for you, aren't I?"
He jokes, running a hand through his grease-shined hair.

"You're different. You're pretty."
I correct.

"I could say the same for you."

"You're quite confident tonight, mister."

"Only with you."
There's a mischievous smile on both our faces as we silently laugh, being sure to keep our voices down.
There's been too many opportunities for my parents to come and check up on me already.

"I'm tired."
I yawn, turning on my side and continuing to stare at Johnny.

"Then sleep."

"What about you?"

"I'll sleep later. I'll try to."

"Please don't stay up any later than we already did."

"I won't. Promise."

"I'll wake you up early so you can sneak out."
He gives me a nod.

"'Night, Johnny."
I say, waiting for a response.
There isn't one.

But I hear something, feel something right before I fall asleep.
Something soft to my forehead, and something being placed on top of the sheets covering me.

"'Night, Y/N."