"Don't have to do anything you don't wanna, love" he says softly, wrapping his arms around your waist. You're in his kitchen, music is playing quietly in the background and the room smells like lemon from cleaning up dinner.
You've been dating for a few months now, having finally plucked up enough courage to ask him to go see a movie and now here you are. It's easy to say you're smitten. It's easier to say you're more than smitten.
"I know, I want to. I-I'm just nervous," you mumble into his chest as you drag your hands down is back.
Things were just starting to get steamy when he pushed you back against the island and planted soft kisses along the skin of your neck. He was thanking you for coming over, for helping with dinner. Just being his sweet, affectionate self before kissing your mouth gently. It started slow, like his kisses usually do. Soft brushes of his lips against yours before softer sweeps of his tongue. Sweet mumbles of I love you's exchanged into each others mouths.
You loved the feel of his arm wrapping around your waist tighter as the other trailed down your body. But when he slid his hand into your pants, feeling your wetness as he glided his fingers through your folds, your heartbeat picked up more than normal. When he mumbled, "Fuck, want you on me so bad," against your mouth, you completely stilled. And now here you are trying to convince your boyfriend that you did, in fact, want to have sex with him.
"What are you nervous about?" His tone is soft, just like the hands that are trailing up and down your back.
"I just-I've never... done this... before," you trail off quietly to your feet. You can feel your cheeks heating more with every passing second and him reaching up to cup your face and stroke against the hot skin isn't helping.
You've done other things together. Things with your hands and with your mouths, all that have felt amazing so far. But you knew tonight was going to be different. When you were making plans and he mentioned having the next day off and that you could cuddle all day, suggesting that you could spend the night and that he had an extra toothbrush with your name on it.
You haven't spent the night together, in either the literal or metaphorical sense. Most importantly, you have never spent the night with anyone like that, ever. You wanted to with Harry. You knew he cared about you and you trusted him. You felt safe with him and really what more can you ask for your first time. But now that you're in the moment and you can feel his breath on your face and feel how hard he is against your hip, you're freezing up. Your nerves getting the best of you.
"Hey, can you look at me?" He chucks his fingers under your chin lightly, not continuing until you bring your eyes back up to his. "I'm here regardless of what goes on tonight, alright? We can go watch a film and cuddle, perfectly fine with that. Just wanna be close to you."
He's sincere, like he always is. "H, no. I want to do this with you. Really... be with you. I'm just-what if I'm not good?"
"That's what this is about?" He furrows his brows in confusion.
"Well, yeah. You're a lot more experienced than me, okay." You rush out quickly and once you get going you can't seem to stop all your little demons from spilling out. "And I know you've been with models before and I am definitely not a model and-"
"Woah, wait a minute," he interrupts, "Baby, are you serious? I love your body. Everything about it, every inch of it. And I love your face, prettiest face I've ever seen."
He's being so patient with you, even while you're showing a side of yourself that you've done a pretty good job of hiding so far. A part of yourself where your brains tells you these negative things about yourself enough that you actually start to believe it.
