One month, two months, three months. I never thought being so far away from a person for so long could feel so suffocating.
We said our I love you's and good night's everyday, but it didn't feel the same. I rather have my covers smell like him, the weight of his arm weighing around my torso, and his soft lips murmuring a good morning in my neck before I could fully wake.
Somehow he always woke up before me, whether I had an earlier shift or something to do that day— even if he had long legs of tour and was incredibly tired— he always stopped the alarm before it could ring and woke me up calmly rather than violently, as the alarm had always done.
"Miss you so much." His voice wavered. I opened my heavy eyes and caught a tear gliding down his chin before he wiped it away.
His tears were enough to push me off a cliff. I cried once in a while because of his absence, but never in front of him. I never wanted him to feel guilty. But his raw emotion just tipped me; the way his face was the only thing lit in the room, his closed eyes I knew were getting red. I couldn't help but let that heaviness in my chest slowly ease out. The tears fell faster than I could catch them.
"I miss you too, baby."
He laughed, wiping more of the tears that had fallen. "Don't wanna make you sad, I'm sorry." He smiled blearily, through my eyes. "Just wanna see you again."
I sniffled back the rest of my tears and laughed whatever sadness I had left away.
"Love you."
"Love you more."
His brows furrowed playfully as a smirk built on his lips. "Impossible."
"That so?" I said, tears long gone by now.
He laughed again.
"Baby, I don't want to keep you up for too late."
"Is it late there?"
"Around one maybe."
I didn't want to keep him up for too long. He would need to be ready in less than four hours to get on a plane and fly out to his next trip in Paris. Paris was a such a nice place, one of the many he promised he'd help me get to know one day.
"What time is it there? 11?"
I didn't want to tell him, he would get mad at me.
"Doesn't matter. You should head off to bed."
He hummed. "Don't wanna let you go."
"I'll call you tomorrow. Text me when you land, okay?"
He nodded. We said our final good night's and hung up.
The sound of the end of the call always made my heart ache; and in a silent room, it hurt so much more. I couldn't last another day without seeing him. The distance was paining us, and I had some news I was bearing that I couldn't go any longer without telling.
I wanted a right time, right place. Every phone call grew more painful knowing I was keeping such a deep secret. I wanted to blurt it out, laugh, scream at the top of my lungs:
I'm pregnant!
So, it didn't matter if it was one in the morning where Harry was, I called Jeff almost immediately after my call with Harry ended and forced him to set a meeting.
With various yawns and raspy answers, we found ourselves set for tomorrow; a meeting in a hotel they would stay at after Harry's show. I would have to fly out in the evening and hope I got there before nightfall.
