Her alarm went off. It rang and rang and rang and rang. There seemed no end. She didn't turn it off. She had no power to stretch out her arm and shut it off. Instead, she reluctantly opened her eyes, just watching the red numbers depicted on the small device situated on her nightstand. She waited patiently- waited until the shrill, annoying sound stopped echoing through her bedroom. But it did continue. It continued, and she felt like her ears were bleeding. Rage started boiling in her veins, and the longer it took, the more she had the urge to smash the clock down, watching it break into pieces. Just like she had let her heart shatter into pieces. Seeing the broken parts scattered on the ground would bring her the greatest satisfaction, but no matter how much she'd love to do it, she also did not want to go outside to buy another. Being surrounded by people was the last thing she currently craved for.
It had been a while since she had been under people. She couldn't tell how long it had been, perhaps days, weeks, or even months- she didn't know. She had lost track of time. Was it Monday or Tuesday? Thursday or Friday? Was it May? Or June already? She really didn't know. The world outside her apartment went on while hers had stopped. People carried on with their lives, practiced their daily routines and worked hard like a maniac. Y/N couldn't remember the last time she had been at work. She had completely isolated herself from civilization, hiding behind the walls of her home.
Home. She scoffed, tears pooling her eyes. Home isn't what it used to be anymore. A tear had found its way down her cheeks, shortly after the next followed. Then another tear started running, and it went on and on until she became a crying mess, heavy sobs leaving her already sore throat. Y/N was used to crying- it had become a part of her new life. Her fingers dug deep into the cushion she had her head rested on, her face pushed into the soft material to muffle her sobs. The all-too well known pain appeared between her ribs, gnawing on her heart as if something was still there. Literally speaking, she was alive, however, it didn't feel like it at all. She wondered how she could be if she was already dead inside.
She lifted up her head, then facing towards the empty side of the bed. There was a time where another body was resting on that now cold, abandoned spot. Somebody with strong muscular and tattooed arms holding her, protecting her while she was asleep. Somebody whose heart was wider than the entire universe, too precious for this world. That vital organ, whose owner had been Y/N, was too kind and too valuable. The day it stopped beating was the day Y/N had fallen into an abyss with no familiar arms to catch her. He wasn't there to assure her that everything was fine. He was no longer there. Gone too soon.
Y/N missed his forest-green eyes and his dimples when he smiled. She missed his throaty laugh and his warm touch. Funny how things can change from one second to the other. One minute you're the happiest woman on earth, and the minute after your happiness is taken away from you, giving you no chance to spend more time, to create new memories, to enjoy togetherness. Everything happened with the blink of an eye, and now she must mourn over the loss of the man she loved more than anything in this world. She would've given everything to feel his soft hands on her- to feel the rapid beating of his heart under her fingertips. Her ears were deprived from his voice- how much did she wish he would call out for her again. The only times she heard his voice was when she cried herself to sleep while listening to the songs he'd left behind.
Her family was worried sick about her. Even though they knew she was going to change and wasn't going to be their funny, happy, cheerful and vibrant Y/N anymore, they did not expect her to change this drastically. She was basically a walking corpse with no vital force. Her once tanned skin was now pale. Her once bright, shining eyes were now dull and empty. She didn't talk anymore. She hadn't used her voice properly for months- only if she really had to. There was barely anyone around with whom she could lead a conversation anyway. She cut everyone out.
Each day, Y/N was taking steps further to depression.
Her parents offered her to visit a psychiatrist, even proposed to accompany her, but she declined. From her perspective, she wasn't insane, but her family shared different opinions on that matter. They had had to watch their daughter whither away like a rose. Who could've known that she was going to change 360 degrees? A young woman, no longer willing to live, but still clinging on to life because she had someone who was dependent on her.
Her love had left a legacy behind- a little baby girl.
A small baby who currently had learned how to stand on her own legs. Her chubby legs- he would've loved to gently sink his teeth into the little one's skin. She was almost one year old and very vocal, babbling things no one could identify. Her first word was 'dada', and Y/N couldn't figure out where she could've picked this up from since there was no daddy around. It was probably her sister teaching her niece how to say it- she lived with them to support Y/N, helping her out to make life a bit more bearable.
Y/N did not keep in touch with her in-laws. She couldn't face them because of how similar they looked to him. It was already hard enough to look at her daughter who was the replica of her father without the need to cry. His mother understood- a mourning mother who sometimes wanted to crawl into a hole and never appear again. But the woman, called Anne, stressed that she wanted to see her grandchild often as possible because the baby girl was the only thing left of her son. She couldn't lose her. So, Y/N's sister drove little angel back and forth.
Her attention was now glued onto the large picture hanging on the wall. It was him displayed on it, beaming a smile towards her direction.
If he was looking down at her from above, then he must be very disappointed in her. He would complain that Y/N was barely taking care of herself. He used to a lot in the past because her wellbeing was an important factor for him. He would've wanted her to stay strong- especially for the baby.
"I'm sorry," She whispered, wishing that he would answer her. "I'm sorry for being such a failure, for not being strong enough. I can't... I can't without you."
Another sob wrecked her body. "How can I drink or eat, knowing you can't do it anymore? Tell me, how could I go outside and enjoy things while you're stripped off that opportunity? You're everywhere, Harry. In every place, every corner, there is a part of you... I cannot just go out and pretend to be strong as everyone expects when I'm so truly broken... I just can't..."
She wiped the salty liquid with the sleeve of her pajama bottom. "Why you, Harry? Why does it have to be you?! Why do always good people die?! Why?!"
She couldn't fathom what Harry did to be cruelly punished at such young age. He had been barely 30 years old when he passed away. One crash was enough to end his life immediately. He was dead on spot. It was a shock for all relatives, as well as for the entire world. Y/N tried to console herself that he at least did not suffer. No pain. Just eternal rest.
"I love you...I love you so much..." Y/N said, "I don't know when I'll see you again but please, wait for me..."
The young woman freed herself from the bedsheets and got up from bed. Her sister would be waking her soon anyway. Her head ached terribly from the amount of crying, so she strolled her way to the bathroom to take some medicine. When she passed the nursery, she suddenly stopped. Little squeaks could be heard from behind the door. Her baby daughter was laughing, and Y/N was wondering why. Baby girl should be normally asleep at this time. Curiosity eating her alive, she slowly pushed down the handle and slightly opened the door, taking a peek through the gap.
She furrowed her brows when she saw her angel sitting on her bed, clapping with her tiny hands while gazing at something in front of her. However, there was nothing that Y/N could see. She watched her daughter trying to get up, her fingers clasping the edge of her bed. She bounced on her chubby legs and laughed at whatever made her laugh. Then suddenly, baby girl stumbled backwards and fell down on her little bum, while rubbing her nose, as if someone had poked her. Y/N wanted to interfere, however, her heart skipped a beat when her daughter raised both of her arms to the air and squealed, "Dada, up."
