An Unfinished Painting

26- First kiss, first love

   The end of August arrived, May started school and as for me, I declined the offer of coming back to teach at New York University. I told the school I would be taking another semester off of teaching and was willing to teach the following year (Which would be May's last semester). This morning, I got dressed, even though I was going no where and went downstairs only to receive a call from the front desk telling me somewhere was there to see me, Daisy. I anxiously waited in the kitchen, already pouring my first glass of wine at nine in the morning.

She walked in, "Hey Augie." Daisy was rolling a light pink stroller. I walked up the stroller, a baby girl, "We named her Ivy" She had blonde hair, just like Daisy, along with the same big light blue eyes.

"She looks just like you." I stood back up, "I'm sorry I didn't come."

She just smiled, "Don't be, you were busy." Daisy was wearing a light yellow dress that matched the color of the summer sun, "I saw both of your interviews you had."

I felt my heart stop, but I tried keeping a cool composure. I took a sip of my wine, "I've always hated interviews."

May laughed as she followed me into the living room, "You better not be giving Nancy a hard time." She sat on the couch, picking her baby up from the stroller and holding Ivy in her arms.

I opened the patio door and stood in front of the outside patio, lighting my cigarette. I blew the smoke out while still trying to stand inside, "How's mom life been?"

"Busy." She said in a complaining adult like way, "But I love it." I faintly smiled at her as I stood across the couch where she was sitting. Ivy asleep in Daisy's arms, she carefully placed her back in the stroller then stood up and walked over to me.

"You want a cigarette?" I asked while I was holding mine in my hand.

"No." We walked out on the patio and both stared at the city for a minute or two. I could feel May looking over at me, "Why'd you never tell me?"

I leaned over the railing and turned my head towards her, "Tell you what?"

May had a serious look on her face as she stood to the side of me, "Everything Augie."

I took a step back and rested the side of my hip on the railing while I faced May, "You gotta be more specific Dais."

"You had an unrequited love for twelve years?"

"Well to be more specific, thirteen years now." I said in a settled tone.

"Why didn't I know about this? Were you scared to tell me because it was a girl?" I stared at Daisy as she stood there asking these two questions, I thought she would have realized it while watching the interview.

I started laughing then leaned back over the railing taking another hit of my cigarette and slowly blew it out. "Daisy." I looked over at her, "Are you playing dumb?" The coldness of my voice is what scared me the most. She stood in front of me with a confused look on her face, how repulsive. As I began to walk up to her, she started walking backwards.

"I'm not playing dumb, I just thought we were closer than this. Was it May?" Daisy was leaning on the white wall at the end of patio as I stood right in front of her.

"Fucking hell, I really thought you would have got it by now, I mean all the years I spent buying you flowers, keeping you close by my side. And you still don't know?" I smiled, "That hurts me a little." I leaned in, wrapping my arm around her waist, "Everyone knew expect you."

"Augie, stop joking around" Daisy awkwardly laughed.

I placed my hand on her cheek, "You think I'm joking?" She was not refusing my touch nor accepting it, which was pissing me off even more. I lightly stroked her cheek with my thumb, down to her bottom lip, then leaned my face in, holding her face up to mine as I started kissing her. The rejected kiss turned into her kissing me back, our tongues intertwined, she tasted sweet. Her lips were softer than I thought they would be, I held the back of her head, pulling her in closer to me as we kissed for a bit longer.

"Augie, Stop." Daisy pushed me off, then looked over inside the house. "May." She said quietly under her breathe.

I was still staring at Daisy, "Why do you keep bringing up May? I love-" Before I finished my sentenced I looked in the living room to finally see what Daisy was looking at, May was standing across the living room looking right at us. I let go of my hand that was wrapped around Daisy's waist and the other, that was holding the back of her head.

Before Daisy walked away she turned around and looked at me with a disappointed yet sad look on her face, "Deep down, I knew it was me who you were talking about during the interview but how could I live with myself knowing that you suffered loving me for twelve years while I didn't know a thing? You could have at least told me, I wouldn't have left. Maybe things could have been different, maybe it wouldn't have just been an unrequited love." I saw a tear fall from her face, "Maybe I would have still been able to be by your side. And don't think I'm a bad person because I decided to move on and accept the fact that we would only be friends, so don't blame me for what happened."

"Wait Daisy." I grabbed her hand, "I- I love you."

Tears kept running down her face as she sniffled, "Why did I have to wait twelve years to hear those words?" I let go of her hand, watching her walk over to her child who was sleeping in my living room.

I followed Daisy as she walked into the kitchen on her way out, "I'm sorry May." Daisy said to May, who was standing in the kitchen. Daisy looked back at me, "I'll walk myself out."

I grabbed the wine bottle on the kitchen counter and starting drinking in. May was on the other side of the kitchen with a beer bottle in her hand. She started laughing, "You're quite something else Augie." I looked over at her, "Having Daisy come over and finally confessing your love to her after all these years, even though she's married with a kid, then your girlfriend finding you making out with her on the patio."

I stared at May who was sitting down on the dining room chair, I placed a cigarette in my mouth then lit it with the lighter in my pocket. Holding the wine bottle in one hand and the cigarette in the other, "Pretty fucked upped right?" I said while staring at the hallway Daisy just walked out of.

I went up stairs, opening the door to Daisy's old room. Sitting on the bed as I stared at the graduation photo of her and I. I remember the night she came into my bedroom after having a nightmare while sleeping in this room. I sat up when she said my name, then she walked up to me and wrapped her arms around my upper body asking if she could sleep with me. That night, she wrapped her body around mine, our faces almost touching. I could feel her breathe close to my chest. I leaned down and kissed the top of her forehead, then closed my eyes for a few minutes after that. I do not know what she was thinking and I never asked, but a couple minutes later I felt her head move upward a little but I decided to keep my eyes closed. Then I felt her hand tuck my hair behind my ears, at this point I was curious if she was going to tell me something or ask if I was still up, which was something she did often while sleeping with me. But then I felt her lips lightly press up against mine for what it felt like to be forever.

I never asked if she kissed me that night, I even tried convincing myself it was all a dream. I wonder when it was that she realized she loved me the same way I loved her, I wonder if it was back in college or after that. Or if she ever loved me the same way, maybe I am just being delusional, it was only a small kiss.

But why should this even matter, Daisy is now a married women with a newborn child. Yet, I decided to kiss her and ruin everything between May and I. For what reason? Like I really thought Daisy was going to leave her family and marry me?

The unrequited love I had fully convinced myself of, should have remand that way.