An Unfinished Painting

30- Goodbyes

   She looks beautiful, wearing a light blue silk dress, her blonde hair partly tucked behind her ears, showing her gold dangly earrings that match the necklace she is wearing. She has on light pink glossy lip stick, with light brown eyeshadow, making her dark blue eyes pop out even more. She is wearing her purple cap and gown, she looks happy as she stands with her friends for a picture. I am watching from a distance, holding a bouquet of flowers. The sun peaking through the clouds every couple of minutes.

"Hey!" May smiled at me, "Sorry to keep you waiting."

I handed her the flowers, "No problem, want to grab a drink before we go home?" We walked side by side, over to a bar that was a couple blocks down.

"Thanks for coming to my graduation." May said as we sat down at the bar counter.

"Well, it's also my job." I painfully smiled at her.

I started teaching again at New York University this Spring, which was also May's last semester of college. Our relationship never changed nor did we ever talk about it and we never fought or discussed anything too personal with each other. Her last semester and my first semester coming back as a Professor, we were both consumed in work. Our relationship stayed the same, we were roommates who slept together every night, but never asked what we were. Some nights she would not come home and other nights I would not, but neither of us said anything about it. But now here we are- this is the end.

We drank for about an hour or two, then I got too drunk to even stand on my own. Walking back to my apartment, May wrapped my arm around her as we walked out to grab a cab back to the house. The next thing I know, I woke up in my bed a few hours later.

"You're finally up." May said as she was lying next to me in different clothes from earlier today, "You didn't eat again today?"

I sat up, "It's fine." I looked over at the coffee table, leaning over to grab the pack of cigarettes in the drawer.

"I'm worried what's gonna happen to you after I leave." I glanced over at May who was watching me light the cigarette in my mouth.

"I'll be fine." I leaned back and looked over at May, "You looked beautiful today."

"Augie." May turned her body facing me, "I'm moving."

"I know." But even though I knew, why did it feel like she just stabbed my heart after she had said this to me.

"To Boston." Her voice got quiet, I watched as her hand reached for mine, "I got a job offer earlier this year from a company in Boston, I accepted a week ago."

"That's good" I stood up from the bed, "When?"

"My flight's tomorrow night."

"Okay." I smiled again.

"It is okay if I leave all my paintings here for now? I know it's a lot to ask, but for now I don't have space and,"

"It's fine." I looked over at the city lights, "It's fine."

The next day, May packed all her bags and dropped them down stairs in the lobby before she left. I grabbed a bottle of wine from the cellar then walked back to the stairs where I found May sitting.

"Augie" She quickly stood up, "I'm leaving, I wanted to say goodbye." I felt my chest clench up.

I started pouring myself a glass of wine, "Okay." I was going to walk back up the stairs until she grabbed my hand pulling me back,

"That's it?" She looked like she was going cry, "When I told you about the move, all you said was it was fine or okay. Do you not care? You're fine with all of this? With me leaving? You're fine letting me go just like that?" Tears started falling from her face.

"No" I clenched the bottle of wine in my hand, "I do care but what should I say? Should I beg you to stay? Beg you not to leave?" I pulled my hand away, "We both knew this day was coming, isn't that why we never started a serious relationship again? Because the outcome would have been the same?"

May laughed, "You made no effort in this relationship. I would have dated you again, all you had to do was ask. I would have stayed if you asked. But now I have to go."

I leaned up towards her to kiss her, "I'm sorry" I said as I wiped a tear off of May's face, then watched as she walked towards the elevator. I have always been like this, I would just accept the way things are. I never asked anyone for anything, that is the reason why I never ended up with Daisy and it was the same with May.

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I stood in the hallway, staring at May's old art room, then sat down on my mother's old vintage couch that was right across from the nude painting of me. I wonder why May never finished it, the canvas was still leaning on the same wall. The painting would have been beautiful if it were ever finished, the painting looked as if I were looking at a photograph. The red wine I was holding in my hand was the exact color of the wine I was drinking in the painting, May even created a ripple in the wine glass. I was painted in detail as well, down to the single hair strands on my head. 

I drank another sip wine, then threw the glass at the painting. The red wine splattered near the top of the canvas and slowly dripped down towards my naked body. 

It started with an unrequited love, who would have known that an unrequited love would have ended up ruining my whole life. If only I had died in that car crash, I would have at least died happy.

I would have died thinking May and I were going to be together forever.