Make a deal With God

remember

Eddie just stared at me.
"But he helped you that night, he talked and brought you back" he said.
"Because that's what I repeated to him when we got back, he doesn't remember where we were or the things we saw, he sleeps soundly every night and gets to live a carefree life" I sighed.  "So what don't let him, make him remember, force him to feel how you feel" Eddie said standing up and pacing the room.

"No one should feel this way" I said and Eddie looked at me. "Including you Lou" he said.  "And Will you can help him, but you can not feel alone, I can only help so much? But I don't see what you do angel" Eddie said sitting beside me.

I stayed quiet for a minuet before I called Steve and had him meet us at the cabin.

He walked in "Oh great he's here" he said his evident disdain for Eddie apparent.  "Hes here for moral support we need to talk" I said firmly and Steve sat down. 

"We need to talk about the upside down" I said and Steve tensed up.  "I only remember after" he said. "I think you know more" I said. He began to fidget. "You have the nightmares?" He asked me and I nodded. "I see them every night, attacking you" I said. He looked up. "I see all the blood and I hear your screams" he said. "And I hear you begging God not to take me, and then when we got back, I just pushed you away" he continued.  "I pushed down those memories, but then Nancy started talking more about Will lately, and they all came flooding back" he was crying now.  "I'm such a piece of shit" he said.  "You're not dude, messed up stuff will drive you crazy" Eddie said. 

"I've been running around here, with the kids trying to keep them safe, trying to keep Will from losing his mind and you" I stopped and took a breath.  "And you live as if nothing is happening, you act as if we didn't almost die and no one would have found us, you act as if my brother isn't terrifying to be around, you act as if I'm the only one going through shit" I said angrily.

"I feel so fucking alone Steve,  I'm tired, I don't wanna be the only one doing this" I said.  He looked to Eddie.  "You're not, you've got Munson" he said standing up.

"Eddie is my boyfriend, he doesn't know the things I've seen, or felt, he doesn't know the pulse pounding terror of a demo dog breathing on your neck" I said and Steve stopped at the door.

"I'm getting the kids and we will help" was all he said before leaving.