looking through his glasses.

part 3/ dont ask me to do that

i think what my problem is,
is either i love him with every ounce of blood inside of me
or i dont.
i don't think i could ever be just friends with him again.
i understand what you mean about opening up the wound over and over again
it really does hurt
but i'm scared that one day
i wont feel anything anymore.
i don't want that.
maybe you do
but i dont.
i'm trying to learn how to turn my back on you
something i've never had to do to anyone.
so don't you dare ask me to do that to you
-someone i love.
my heart is on my sleeve
and i will bleed out on the floor if you asked me to.
so please look at me in the eyes
and try to tell me to turn away and never look back
from someone i trust with my life
someone i want to put everything that i am into your hands.
i look for you in crowds
i look for parts of you in other people
and it's never the same.
and if i'm honest here,
i don't want parts of you in other people.
i want you and all your problems
and your hopeless feelings
the nightmares
the trauma
even if it's just as friends
but don't you dare ask me to turn my back on you.
don't tell me we're better off alone.
please don't.