part 33- a dumb, sad process

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what's really sad is,
that i would give my right arm to a man who doesn't give a fuck about me.
no hesitation and no questions asked.
i would jump in front of a moving train, to save his life without even thinking of mine.
what's sad is,
i wait around all day-
trying to find the courage to ask to hang out, because im scared that he will say no thanks and move on, brush by like i never existed.
what's stupid is -
me still doing this entire process knowing he's going to say no.

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