Nearly Euphoric {Nate Jacobs}

Chapter 19

I spent the weekend at my dance studio practicing for the showcase in turtle neck leotards. I had bruising all over my throat and tried to cover it up the best I could. Unfortunately, our costumes for our upcoming ballet, Romeo and Juliet, came in during our Sunday rehearsal. And my costumes was not a turtleneck.

"Here Sabrina, go try on your costume," Ms. Coggs says handing me a garnet bag with a giant pancake tutu in it.

"Umm... I was thinking I could just try it on tomorrow," I say.

"Why?" she says harshly.

"Well, I figured it would give us some more time to practice rehearsing today," I lie.

"No. You're trying it on now," she demands. I know it's not worth arguing about with her. She put her foot down and she isn't going to budge.

I go to the bathroom to get changed. I'm panicking because I know the bruising is going to be very noticeable. I put on my costume and... it's actually not that bad. It looks a little darker than normal, but overall it isn't horrible. I walk out of the bathroom to show Ms. Coggs my costume.

"Sabrina what happened to your neck!" Ms. Coggs exclaims. All the other girls have wide eyes staring at me. I'm like a deer in headlights. I look in the big mirror that stretches across the wall and see black, blue, and purple bruising all over my neck. It's so much more noticeable in the lighting out here. I panic trying to come up with a lie but I can't think of anything.

"Oh... umm..." I start to say but I begin to feel dizzy and light-headed. I fall to the ground and pass out. This really isn't that surprising considering I have been stressing immensely over this whole thing and decided that the best option was to starve myself... cause y'know that's definitely the best way to solve all of my problems. But everyone staring at me waiting for an explanation of my neck being bruised was just the cherry on top.

I woke up on the floor of my dance studio. I was propped up against the back wall of the dance floor. Ms. Coggs was crouched down next to me with a juice box. I took the juice box out of her hand and drank it like I always do when I pass out at dance class. She must have dismissed everyone early because everyone else was gone.

"Sabrina, I'm going to need an explanation of what just happened" Ms. Coggs says seriously.

"I just felt light headed," I say quietly. She gives me that same look your mom gives you when she knows you're lying.

"I don't want to send you to get help again, but if I have to I will," she says.

"It's not like that," I explain. "I've been doing better... really I mean it," I say.

"Okay then what is this all about?" She asks.

"I... I can't tell you," I say hoping she will understand, but knowing that is unlikely. I want to tell her... I really do. But I know that I can't do that without telling her about Nate.

"Then you leave me with no choice," she says.

"No, please!" I plead.

"At least tell me where this bruising on your neck came from," she says. I know I can't tell her Nate did it, and there's pretty much no other way to explain bruising on your neck other than someone choking you. So I make a sacrifice.

"Sometimes when I get stressed out, I choke myself  as a sort of self harm mechanism," I lie. Ms. Coggs just shakes her head.

"I'm disappointed Sabrina," she says. I give a look of confusion. "Those are definitely hand prints, but they're big hand prints, Sabrina... bigger than your hands," she says solemnly. "I'm giving you an opportunity to tell me who did this to you before I have to take matters into my own hands. Please just be honest with me," she says. I don't want to lie again but I have to.

"I told you the truth. I did it to myself," I say knowing we both know that it's a lie.

Ms. Coggs never really said anything else after that. I just left the studio. I'm not sure what she's going to do, or who she's going to tell. All I know is that I'm so sick and tired of keeping secrets and lying to the people I love. I hate that I can't even talk about it to my best friend. All I want to do is cry.

Before I know it, I'm picking up my phone and calling Nate. He called me twice yesterday but not at all today. He told me he would check up on me, but he probably figured I don't want to talk to him.

"Hey," he says answering the phone.

"Hey."

"How have you been?" he asks. How does he think I've been?

"Well, my neck is completely black and blue, I had to lie to everyone I care about, and worst of all I was hurt and violated by someone I thought I could trust." I can feel tears start to well up in my eyes, but I restrain myself.

He sighs. "Sabrina, I'm so so sorry. I know that doesn't really do anything or help but I really do feel awful about it. I never wanted to hurt you. I can't control my anger... but I know that's not an excuse. I love you Sabrina... more than I've ever been able to love Maddy or anyone else for that matter. And I feel like shit because I know I can't take it back. I'm sorry I put you in this situation."

My heart sinks after I hear his apology. Not because it wasn't good or sincere, but because I know that I'm going to forgive him. There's nothing he can do to make me stop loving him. That scares me because I know deep down that he doesn't treat me good. He lies, hurts me, pressures me to do things I don't want to do, and he manipulates me. I hate that I was literally abused and still want to get back into the relationship. I hate that I've become that girl... the same girl I've always pitied...

"Can you come over?" I ask.

"I'm on my way."

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Hopefully the next chapter will be out soon!! :)